Addiction
by roxyhoney
Summary: "I'm naked. I'm numb. I'm stupid. I'm staying. Light's black. Heads bang. You're my drug…."
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, I know me starting a new story when I have a lot of other one's on my plate is crazy, but this idea has been in my head for a while, and I wanted to share it with you all. I haven't given up on some of my other stories, even though some I haven't updated in a while. It's just going to take time. =)**

**Now, this story was inspired by Amelia Shepherd off of Private Practice, when she went through her drug addiction. This will be loosely be based off of it, but I wanted to give credit where credit is due. I have watched several youtube videos from amazing vidders about that scene and I felt that a story needed to be told through Bonnie. **

**The summary are lyrics by Lykke Li, "Until We Bleed." **

**Warning: This story is going to be raw, numbing, tragic, romantic, and emotional. It's going to cross a lot of boundaries. It's going to have a lot of dark moments dealing with drugs and alcohol and sex. I'm trying to expand my writing more, and I completely understand if you don't want to read it, but if you do, thank you for beginning this journey with me. I hope you all enjoy!**

**No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

_**Present Day**_

_Contentment._

Humans are known to find it in the least possible places…. at the least possible time. Whether it's just for one moment; they find it. And they embrace it. It seeps in to their skin; flowing into their bloodstream like a euphoric paradise that you can't get enough of; that you don't want to get enough of. You don't want to stop drinking it in because it's so invigorating; almost flawless.

Bonnie Marie Bennett use to let that feeling engulf her. She would feel so high above the world that coming down was always just a passing thought in the darkness.

And now, that feeling was absent. Now, she was alone with her thoughts, clawing into her brain; seducing her… manipulating her into remembering the past three years of her life. Those were the years where she felt contentment; brought to life by the discontent that embraced her body. It was where her pain began to feel pleasurable; where she felt both alive and damaged that she couldn't decipher the two.

It was Day 3 of being in the facility that she would call home for several months or for however long she needed to stay. But it was already established that this would never be her home. She didn't want it to be. But it had too, because she was losing everything. Actually she had already lost everything, right? Otherwise she wouldn't be here. She was mind fucked in all the wrong places; not knowing which way was up or down. She was just floating; floating into a non- existent abyss that held her captive. And yet she liked it and hated it all the same. She swam in it like a pool full of peace, yanking and thrashing, pulling her through a dark tunnel of never ending light. Crazy right? Yes, she thought so too.

To go back to who she was, wasn't possible. She knew that… everyone knew that. Her friends, her grandmother, her drunk of a dad, even the people who knew of her, who gave her side way glances, snickering and making comments that held judgment; they all knew it. But who were they to judge her, right? They didn't know her. They didn't walk into her shoes every day. They didn't know what it was like to feel so detached from your body… your mind… your soul that all you could do was surrender to numbness.

And yet she was here…. In a place where recovery was the main focus. But would this place really bring recovery, only reminding her every day what had happened. She wanted it all to go away. All of it; the pain, the detachment from life… the memories. She hated all of it. She knew that she was a mess, and she didn't care.

How could 3 years change your life so much? How could the person who made good grades all through high school, graduated at the top of her class, got a scholarship to college, and had wonderful friends be so distant and loss that all it took was one moment to make it all change. The struggles you put them through; the help you cast aside like they meant nothing.

3 years ago she was entering her freshman year of college with her best friends; her soulmates. 3 years ago, so much had begun to weigh down on her because she didn't feel good enough. Because she wanted to break out of the shell everyone held her in.

* * *

_**3 years ago…..**_

_**That's where her story began.**_

"I don't understand how you ladies still had a lot of things left at your houses, because this is a shit load of stuff." Matt Donovan stated, putting down two of Bonnie's boxes.

"Exactly, you should see Elena's room at the house now; it still has a ton of junk, so I don't know where all this crap came from." Jeremy Gilbert agreed, bringing in several boxes of his sister's things, followed by Tyler Lockwood, bringing in Caroline Forbes's things.

"It's really not that much," Caroline smiled, sitting down on the couch in between her two best girlfriends, as they watched the guys do the hard labor.

"Why don't you three get off your asses and help?" Tyler said; ready to just throw everything fragile on the ground. They still had a ton of boxes to go, making them nowhere near done.

"Because we like looking at your asses a lot better." Bonnie commented, causing the girls to laugh.

Bonnie, Caroline, Elena, Tyler, and Matt had been best friends since they were kids. They had always been there for each other; no matter how many times their nerves were at a breaking point. And even though Jeremy still had another year before he entered college, he was a part of their little group as well.

Jeremy's eyes connected with his sister's, "Where is your boyfriend by the way? Shouldn't he be here helping you with this?"

"Yeah, where is Stefan?" Caroline asked, before Elena could say anything, "I wouldn't mind looking at his hot ass either." She winked and Elena playfully pushed her.

"He's still in New York visiting his brother; he won't be back until tomorrow." Elena smiled. She couldn't wait to see her boyfriend. They had been dating for one year and three months, and this past summer was the first time they had been apart. It was bitter sweet really; from their late night phone calls, Skype sessions; sometimes erotic, sometimes not, it was almost like he never left. And she knew the reunion was going to be a mind blowing experience.

"Jeremy's just broody because he's ready to get back to Anna." Bonnie teased.

"Well, maybe if you let me pop your cherry I wouldn't be in such a hurry." Jeremy wiggled his tongue out at her, causing a light blush to creep along Bonnie's cheeks. She instantly threw one of the couch pillows she was leaning on at his forehead, followed by an 'Ew' from Elena.

Bonnie wouldn't deny it, Jeremy was a very good looking guy with muscles for days, but being Elena's little brother just took her interest away. He use to bare a crush on her for several years until he met Anna, and Bonnie was glad he did.

"That's because she's saving it for me." Matt joked with a smirk crossing his features, bringing her out of her thoughts.

"Okay, new subject!" Bonnie yelled; her face growing red by the minute. She was the only one in the room that hadn't cashed in her V-card, and she was perfectly okay with that. She was waiting for the right guy, like Elena did with Stefan. Caroline, though, was a different story, she was more 'friendly' and free spirited when it came to sex. And when it came to Bonnie, everyone held some type of enjoyment in making fun of her predicament…. Not that she cared, it was just extremely embarrassing.

"Yes, enough about Bonnie's dusty vajayjay," Caroline laughed, gaining a playful punch from her best friend.

When the sounds of 'I'm a Barbie girl' flooded the room, everyone grew silent and their eyes found their way to Matt.

"Really dude?" Tyler broke the silence, followed by laughter from everyone else in the room.

Matt glared at Elena, "Payback Gilbert… just wait for it." He said, checking his text message.

It wasn't uncommon for all of them to play tricks on one another.

Matt interrupted their laughter, "That was Vicky. She and Katherine made it to New York safely."

"Yeah, Katherine just text me too." Jeremy said, stuffing his face with a bag of chips.

Bonnie noticed Elena roll her eyes. Katherine not bothering to pick up the phone and let Elena know she made it safely wasn't anything new to the gang, because they were always at odds with one another. And though Katherine and Elena were identical… scary identical, the only thing that deciphering them was one had straight hair and the other one kept it curly, they were both just so different. Where Katherine was blunt, manipulative, and her attitude wasn't always pleasant, Elena was just the opposite.

Even though they were all around the same age, Katherine and Vicky migrated more towards one another, mostly because Katherine couldn't stand Elena, which meant she couldn't stand her friends.

Before anything else could be said on the subject, Tyler informed everyone that it looked like it was about to rain, and forced Bonnie, Caroline, and Elena downstairs to help get _their_ things; receiving nothing but whining from them.

A few hours later, Tyler was proven correct. The rain was falling hard from the sky, followed by thunder and lightning, ruining their 'first day freshman party plans' as Caroline liked to call it.

Bonnie didn't mind though, she loved the rain; especially being indoors and watching movies. That interested her more than going out and partying. Out of all of her friends she considered herself to be a little socially awkward, Matt bringing in a close second. That's why they were closer in the group, and though their friendship was purely platonic, they did flirt from time to time.

So, while Caroline, Tyler, and Jeremy were taking a tour of the dorms, and Elena was probably in her room having phone sex with Stefan, Matt and Bonnie were watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, lying across Bonnie's bed.

"I don't know why you want to watch this again, you always get scared and ask me to stay the night."

"Like you would ever object." She smiled, but jumped a bit when Leatherface made his appearance.

Matt laughed, and then clicked off the movie, ignoring Bonnie's protest.

They both flipped over to lie on their backs, and stared at the ceiling.

"Promise me something, Bons?"

"Depends on what it is, Mattie." That name was only reserved for her and his sister.

"Promise me we will have fun these next four years; that we won't get too consumed with our nose in the books and we don't forget that this is college…."

"Exactly Matt, this is college." She cut him off, "And you know better than anyone that we didn't have our parents pay the full tuition, we had to get scholarships and financial aid, and out of our own pocket. So, I may not be on the 'party' scene at all."

"Trust me, I understand, but if you would have let me finish, miss interrupts a lot. What I mean to say is that we won't let each other slip with our grades, but we will enjoy our college experience."

It took a moment for Bonnie to respond, "Fine…"

"Promise me."

Bonnie rolled her eyes, because Matt knew that she was quick to go back on her word if she didn't make a promise. "Fine, I promise I won't let my work consume me; that I will go out and have fun from time to time."

"Good." He said, and then laughter filled the air, as Matt began tickling her.

* * *

_**Present **_

Bonnie was hypnotized. Hypnotized by her memories; hypnotized by the rain falling roughly to the earth that she could only see out of her window. A window that was pinned behind bars, so she couldn't escape.

And right now, that was all she wanted to do. She didn't want to be here anymore, she wanted to leave. She wanted to go back to that day, 3 years ago when her life made sense.

As her heart began to race, she felt as if she couldn't breathe. As if someone stole the air out of her lungs. She tried coughing, but it didn't help… it only made it worse. She felt trapped; trapped in this room, trapped in this place, trapped in skin that didn't feel like hers. She wanted out.

She attempted to claw at her neck, but her hands were pulled instantly into someone else's, "Bonnie, look at me." The female accented voice filled her ears. "Look at me, love. It is going to be okay."

"I-I c-can't…I-I… B-breathe…." Bonnie struggled to say, as she tried to yank her hands away.

"Yes you can. Take deep breaths," She tried soothing her, "Focus on my breathing, follow my pacing….you can do this."

It took several minutes before Bonnie began to focus on Rebekah Mikaelson's breathing, matching it with her own.

"This is part of your withdrawal from the drugs. I have been a patient in here long enough, so trust me when I say I have had plenty of moments where you are now." Rebekah explained, with a kind smile, moving some of the strands of hair out of Bonnie's face. "Kind of still going through them a little bit." She added.

Tears were visible in Bonnie's eyes, as she slowly recovered from her horrifying episode.

"Now, drink this." She said handing her a cup of water, "And finish telling me about this Matt character, he sounds like a total hunk."

If Bonnie was who she had been, she would have smiled… showed some type of gratitude for the woman sitting in front of her. But she couldn't, because all she wanted right now was to feel her contentment.

And she couldn't do that here.

* * *

**A/N: So, what did you all think? Hopefully I didn't disappoint on my first chapter. And If you are all wondering why Damon wasn't in the first chapter, don't worry he's coming soon. And so will more characters. **

**The flashbacks will not be italicized, but it will be split up through the words Past & Present**

**I hope you all enjoyed it & Please review to let me know =) Thank you! xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews, favorites, and follows! I really appreciate it! Just to clarify this is an all-human fic! Hope you all enjoy =) xoxo**

_**Present.**_

* * *

_Disconnected._

Bonnie felt detached from her body… isolated. She had no idea how long it had been since she entered this place. Days…. Weeks…. Months? She wasn't aware. Time stopped moving here…. Time was no longer on her side.

Hugging her sweater close to herself to provide some warmth from the added chill that crept among her skin, she stared at the man sitting across from her. Today was the first day she would be having a one on one therapy session, opposed to the group therapy sessions that she never spoke in…. that she hated. The sessions were just people with their dried up addictions talking about what started it and how they were trying to improve and recover. But were they really trying to recover? Half of them would say anything just to get out of this facility and go back to square one; to embrace the feeling of contentment as it flowed through their bloodstream giving them an invigorating high.

And yet every day, several times a day, she still craved that high… that little ounce of contentment that she would never be allowed to have here. But that was the point right? To get her so detached from it that she would never want to even look at the stuff again… that she would never want to crave it to make herself feel whole.

"Are you cold?" Her therapist spoke, breaking her away from her thoughts. She may have been staring at him, but she wasn't really looking at him, until she heard his voice. From arriving to this facility this was the first time she had laid eyes on him.

_He must be new,_ she thought as she shook her head to his question, and then looked down.

She didn't want to be here anymore…. sitting across from him, knowing he would try to open her up and express her feelings. The truth is the only thing she was feeling was detached… detached from her body….her organs….her blood. She was on a downward spiral, and she just wanted to crawl back into her bed and dream; dream about her contentment…her peace.

"I know you don't want to be here." He stated, causing her to look up at him. "I know that you would give anything to be out of here, back into the world and doing the things that make you feel at ease… things that got you here in the first place."

Bonnie's body shuddered, as if she had no control over it. Of course that's what she wanted to be doing. It was easier than being here.

Silence filled the room again as she watched him write something down in his notepad.

"What do you like to do, Bonnie?"

His question caught her off guard, leaving irritation flowing within her, "I like to fuck, drink, shoot up, and snort. Did I leave anything out?"

Her therapist's expression never changed. Not once did he wince at her vulgar tongue. He still stared at her as most of the other therapists did, emotionless and a distinct look to do their job.

"What did you like to do before you let alcohol and drugs consume your life?" His voice level stayed the same, neither showing annoyance nor compassion.

"I don't remember that life." Bonnie spat out. "And you didn't come here to ask me about my life, my favorite color, or if I had a dog growing up. You came here to help right? You're my one on one road to recovery right, because the group sessions don't help? Well, I don't want to do this… I don't want to talk." She then stood up and looked at the door. "I don't want to be here… in this place…"

He stood up as well, towering over her small frame. When her eyes found his, she noticed an inch of compassion etch its way into his features. "But you are here. You're not the only one in this place that wouldn't kill to be out there living it up again. You chose to be here… to recover. So, you may not think these sessions help right now, but they will… slowly they will…"

A wave of despair hit Bonnie, as she walked out of the door. She knew that she still had forty minutes of session left and was not supposed to leave until it was over, but she couldn't stay there any longer. She'd deal with the repercussions later.

She'd also have to talk to Rebekah later, as she ignored her calling her name once she stepped out of the room. All she wanted to do was lay down and sleep.

* * *

Rebekah Mikaelson frowned as her new found friend walked past her without giving her a second glance. The only thing she could really do though was understand. Her first few weeks in this place, she never wanted to be bothered and always lashed out at everyone who tried to help her.

Taking a deep breath, she walked into the room that Bonnie just left. She was unaware why she had to meet with another therapist, especially when she already met with one this morning. She really hoped that she wasn't getting assigned to someone else, because she rather liked Pearl… well, she grew to like her.

But when Rebekah's eyes connected with the man in the room, her breath caught in her throat, and a smile crept across her lips, "Damon?"

"Long time no see, Barbie Klaus," He smiled, grabbing her into a hug.

She closed her eyes for a moment and relaxed against his embrace. She didn't realize how much she missed him until he was here, standing right in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, wiping a stray tear from her eye.

"This facility needed another therapist. So I said hey, why not?" It was partially the truth, as he led her over to one of the couches and sat down.

Rebekah wasn't buying it. "Damon, I've known you for several years, I know when you're lying. Plus, didn't you decide to take a break from the whole clinical psychology thing and run your father's business?"

Damon knew he couldn't get anything past the female Mikaelson. She and her brothers could pretty much read him like a book. Even they knew he was bullshitting when he said he was getting back into the psychology business for a little while. He may have got his doctorates in clinical psych, but Damon was a rare over achiever, and learned what he needed to know about business. And when his father passed away several years ago, he was now the rightful owner slash C.E.O. of Salvatore Industries.

So, what possessed him to take a break from his fast passed life of making more money than he could dream of to come and council a drug addict and alcohol abuser back to her former self? His broody, selfless, and 'tries to make everything right with the world,' brother. Stefan called him a week ago, explaining that his girlfriend's best friend had a drug and alcohol addiction for almost three years and was ready to go to rehab. Of course, Stefan, being the dutiful kindhearted brother, wanted her to go to one of the best facilities in the United States. And that just so happened to be in Manhattan where Damon currently lived and ran Salvatore Industries.

His first thought and answer was 'hell no.' He was not about to take some time off from his job to help a cracked out twenty year old who probably didn't even want to be helped.

"_Why did you get your degree in psychology again if you're going to make uncalled for comments like that?" Stefan asked as he rolled his eyes._

_Damon shrugged, "Eh, at the time I enjoyed understanding people, but being sympathetic is not my forte anymore?"_

"_Damon I need you to do this for me, please."_

"_No, Stefan, I'm busy. I have a company to run." He said, looking into the mirror and straightening out his collar. He had a hot date tonight and really didn't have time for one of Stefan's moods._

"_Let Elijah do it for a while. Damon, Bonnie is Elena's best friend and she has become like a sister to me, I really need you to do this. She use to have such light in her eyes, and along the way of life, she got lost. You more than anyone should know how that is."_

_Damon continued to stare into the mirror, trying to ignore his brother._

"_Just think about it, Damon. No matter how much of a dick you can be, you're good at what you do." Then he walked out, leaving Damon alone with his thoughts._

And of course, being Damon, no matter how much he tried to push it away, he knew he was going to help out his little brother and let Elijah run Salvatore Industries until he brought this girl to her recovery.

He shrugged at Rebekah's question, "I'm doing both for a little while."

She pushed him softly a little with a smile plastered to her face, "Well, you must not be doing a good job, because Bonnie ran out of here, and I'm sure her session wasn't over. "

"Well, we both know how that goes. She'll come around…. We all did." His eyes then connected with hers, "Speaking of coming around, why are you still here, Bexs?"

The smile that Rebekah displayed on her face slowly began to fade at his question, "I'm not done here yet." Her voice was a bit above a whisper.

"You've been here for almost a year, and I can tell just by being here with you now that you're doing a lot better. Trust me, I would know."

Silence filled the room, as a few tears formed in her eyes.

"They miss you, Bexs. They really want to see you… but you keep denying them visitation rights."

"I can't…. not after… I'm just, I'm not done here." She said again. Rebekah may have been to the end of her recovery journey, she may open up in her group and private sessions, but there were still some things that she couldn't talk about; especially to the guy she considered a brother.

"Elijah is getting married in eight months. They are going to want you there." He stated, kissing her forehead.

He then put his arm around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I know…." She whispered.

* * *

Bonnie felt on fire; as if her whole body was clenching and ripping into her insides. Not only that, but she felt as if things were crawling on her; tickling her skin and making her itch.

"Bonnie… Bonnie, can you hear me?"

She could hear Rebekah, but the pain was overclouding her thoughts, "I-It h-hurts." She wanted her grams, she wanted Matt. And before she could call out to them, the pain and itching got worse. She looked at her arms and that's when she saw it.

There were little ants crawling all over her skin; gnawing at her flesh. And all she could do was scream, as she thrashed around in bed, trying to get them off of her.

"There are ants on me!" she screamed, "Get them off, please! Get them off, Oh my God! Please!"

Rebekah quickly grabbed her arms to get her to stop scratching before she ripped her skin off, "Listen to me, Bonnie, there are no bugs on you. It's just the withdrawal from the drugs."

Bonnie wasn't listening, because all she could do was feel them crawl their way up her skin. She tried to remove her arms from Rebekah's grasp, but she only gripped them harder.

"You're nerves are firing on their own, and you think they are ants, but they're not, it's just a hallucination." Rebekah then grabbed her face, causing Bonnie's eyes to connect with hers. "There are no bugs on you, it's not real. It's going to stop."

It took Bonnie a moment to calm down, and though she was still in pain and still itchy, she was able to look around a little, "There are no bugs?"

"No… it's just your nerves healing from all of the crap you've shot into them."

Bonnie then laid down, and grabbed her knees to her chest, "T-this h-hurts…I…" She couldn't finish her sentence as she groaned out in agony.

Rebekah grabbed her hand again, "Squeeze my hand, and if I see any bugs on you, I'll call a nurse, okay?"

Bonnie nodded as she squeezed Rebekah's hand tightly, hoping that everything would end soon.

* * *

_**Past**_

"There's still time to get you a plane ticket. Christmas with my dad in California will be more bearable with you there." Caroline whined to her best friend.

"You know I would love to go, but Matt and I plan to have a little Christmas celebration here…."

"Aren't you two still fighting?"

"That's beside the point. Plus, I want to get a head start on the reading for next semester." Bonnie told Caroline, as she walked her to her cab.

"Bonnie if you weren't my best friend, I would probably roll my eyes and walk away from you. But, since you are, I'm going to be honest with you. I love you…. I do, but you seriously need to loosen up a bit. I mean this whole first semester, you probably only went to your room, the library, or the cafeteria…."

"I can't lose my scholarship….." Bonnie cut her off.

"I know that, Bons, trust me I do, but you could continue making straight A's with your eyes closed." She argued, closing the trunk to the cab. "All I'm saying is that when I get back, you are going to have a real fun college experience. No ifs, ands, or buts… well, unless it's Stefan's hot butt." She added with a giggle.

Bonnie couldn't help but laugh, "You know one day Elena's going to whoop your ass for checking out her boyfriend all the time."

"Eh, she knows it's harmless." She smiled and then pulled Bonnie into a hug. "I'm going to miss you, Bons."

Bonnie held onto her best friend, "Don't make me cry, it's only going to be two weeks."

"I know. Be safe, and we'll text every day and Skype." She beamed.

"Of course. Now go, or you'll miss your flight."

The girls hugged one more time, and then Caroline got into the cab and went to the airport.

Bonnie made her way back up to their dorm room. She wasn't going to lie; she already missed Caroline, Elena, Tyler, and Stefan. All four of them invited her and Matt to stay with their families for Christmas, but they didn't want to impose. Matt's mom was somewhere in the U.S. frolicking with someone that was probably jail bate, and Vicky was staying in New York for the holidays. Vicky invited Matt to visit, but he was short on cash, and he didn't want to leave Bonnie. And Bonnie wasn't in the mood to go back to Mystic Falls and spend Christmas with her drunk of a dad, who didn't give a shit about her. Her Grams was out touring Europe and she invited her to come, by paying for a plane trip, but Bonnie was deathly afraid of planes, and though she missed her Grams dearly, she knew that she had her significant other to keep her company. So, spending her first year in the dorms with her best friend wouldn't be so bad.

And when she walked into her bedroom to see Matt lying on her bed, looking at a picture of her on his back, and Elena in front of him, smiling at one of the back to school kick off events, she smiled.

"Are you still mad at me?" He asked, sitting up.

She sat down beside him, "I don't know, are you still going to snort coke with that Haley chick?" Bonnie didn't hide her annoyance and frustration.

"No," He answered, "It was only one time. It's like when you tried tequila for the first time. It was just a guilty pleasure I wanted to try, but I'm never going to do it again." And he was sincere. He knew it was stupid to do what he did, but he was at a party one night, trying to ease his mind from failing a test he studied really hard for. And Haley, the girl he met in his class, invited him to a party one night. He had a couple drinks and then he found her in the back taking a line, and decided to live a little.

When he came to Bonnie's dorm that night, drunk and on a cocaine high, she was pissed, and today was the first time she had talked to him. It had been a long week without her friendship, so, he would never do it again.

"Good," She said intertwining her hand with his, "Because I don't want anything to happen to you."

He squeezed her hand gently and reassuringly.

They both laid back on the bed like they always do.

"This has been one long semester." He said, breaking the silence.

Bonnie smiled, "Yes it has, and Caroline is pretty much forcing me into every party next year."

Matt laughed, "We'll see how that goes, because that was supposed to happen this semester and you pretty much barricaded yourself in here."

"I went to a few. I kept my promise."

"Yeah, so new subject, what are you making me for Christmas dinner?"

She shoved him off of the bed, causing them both to laugh.

* * *

_**Past**_

_**New Year's Eve**_

"I can't believe you talked me into doing this." Bonnie said, trying to pull down the black skin tight, mid-thigh high dress that was sliding up way too far. If she were to bend over in the slightest, it would show way more than she bargained for.

"Bonnie you're hot, and this dress adds to it. I swear if you weren't my best friend, I would probably take you back to the car and…." Matt winked, and Bonnie shoved him.

"Watch it, Donovan." She placed her arm in his and took a deep breath as they walked inside what looked like a mansion.

As soon as they stepped inside, all eyes were on them, especially Bonnie. Even the guys that brought a date were checking her out. It was flattering, but she definitely couldn't help but feel self-conscious. That's where the socially awkward part came in; she hated the attention.

"Matt, you made it!" A female voice practically screamed, trying to be heard over the loud music. Haley pretty much flew into Matt's arms.

She then looked at Bonnie, and her smile grew wider, "Looking good Bonnie. Finally came out of the house to play." She winked.

Bonnie rolled her eyes. She had one class with Haley, and she was definitely one of those people that had to grow on you. But ever since she got Matt to partake in drugs, she couldn't really care less about her.

"So, everyone who enters my humble domain has to take shots, and you two are up." Haley said, leading them to the kitchen.

Bonnie was a little skeptical, but Matt whispered in her ear, assuring her that they would be okay and watch out for one another.

So, after her fifth shot, she could definitely say she was feeling it. She and Matt danced to almost every song that came on, and Bonnie even let loose and let her ass grind on a few strangers who were definitely enjoying it.

This was the first time in a while that Bonnie felt carefree and weightless. As she was grinding against Matt, Haley walked up and handed Bonnie another shot, who took it without hesitation. After they both downed it together, she told them to follow her.

They followed her downstairs into her basement that looked like an extra apartment, and noticed a few people sitting around, smoking weed and lining up.

"Hey guys, I have two more people." Haley said, sitting in between the two guys on the couch. "Matt, Bonnie, this is Connor and April." She introduced the guy on the left of her, and the girl sitting beside him. When she introduced the guy on the right, both Bonnie and Matt knew him, and couldn't believe he was here, "And you all know Atticus… well Professor Shane." She smiled at the look on their faces, "Don't worry, they're cool."

Bonnie may have been drunk, but she was still aware, and so was Matt. So, he knew when she gripped his hand tightly that she was ready to go.

But he was surprised when she led him closer and took a seat across from them.

They watched as Haley pressed down her right nostril, bent down, and inhaled the white powdery substance.

"Who's next?" Haley asked, sniffing a bit and wiping her nose, "What about you, Bonnie?"

* * *

_**Present**_

"You can stop there if you'd like. You're fifty minutes are up, and I know it was a lot for you to tell me what you did." Damon indicated, as Bonnie took a pause from reliving a memory.

He wasn't surprised when she turned up to his therapy session three days later. Damon didn't want to force her to see him; she had to come to him. And he knew she would.

He hadn't counseled anyone in years, so as he sat and listened to Bonnie, he wasn't able to take his eyes away from her. It wasn't just the story in its self, but it was the way she relived her memories. He could see that it was hurting her, but he could also tell that it was adding relief, being able to talk about it. He also couldn't take his eyes away from her because she was insanely gorgeous; even if her hair was always pulled back into a messy pony tail and he only saw her barely smile once. But he knew, checking out his patient was a bit too inappropriate.

"Don't you want to hear what happens next?" Her voice was hollow when she spoke, knowing that New Year's Eve, three years ago, was when it all changed.

"If you would like to tell me, then I'm here to listen."

Bonnie glanced in Damon's direction for a quick moment and quickly looked back down. Him staring at her, almost intently was a little too overwhelming. It wasn't that she felt uncomfortable or freaked out, but she was beginning to feel a little self-conscious.

And it stunned her, because that feeling hadn't crept among her in years.

* * *

_**Past**_

Bonnie could only stare at the white nose candy laid out for her. She didn't know if it was the alcohol performing its effects on her, but for some reason she wanted to try it…. just once. Just to see what the hype was about. For once she didn't want to be the goody two shoes. And she was already buzzed and having such a great time, so what would it hurt?

It would just be one time.

"Bonnie, you don't have to do it. We can go." Matt said, not wanting his friend to feel uncomfortable.

She looked at Matt, and shrugged, "We only live once right?" And as soon as she got the words out, she performed the same actions as Haley did a moment ago, and inhaled the white substance through her nose.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed! I know it was a crazy place to leave it! But thank you guys again for reading! **

**That scene with Rebekah and Bonnie, when she felt like ants were crawling on her was from private practice, like I mentioned in the last chapter. Just wanted to give credit where credit is due.**

**Hopefully I can have another chapter for you all by the weekend. Please, please, please review! I love to hear your thoughts on the story! xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the amazing reviews! I was able to respond back through PM to a lot of you all, but the guest, I'm not able too. But I want to give you all a special shout out and let you know that I appreciate all your kind words for this story and sticking with it! I hope I don't disappoint or push you away after this chapter. Xoxo**

**I would also like to take a moment to say, RIP to Cory Monteith, from Glee. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family and friends. You will be forever missed!**

* * *

The hot water cascaded over Damon Salvatore's body, seeping into his pores, as he stood in his shower lost in thought; thoughts that he desperately wish would leave his mind. It had only been two weeks since he started counseling Bonnie Bennett, and during those two weeks he felt as if his head would explode. He should have never agreed to Stefan to help her. She wasn't his responsibility…. And yet ever day when he went home, his mind was constantly enveloped by her. He even found himself dreaming about her, and it aggravated him.

All he could think about was those green eyes that held so much sadness, but yet reminded him of the richest emerald ever created. Her brown hair that even though it was always in a ponytail, looked as if it were meant to have his fingers glide through it, and her mocha skin, even though it looked worn out from her troubles, still looked smooth and soft, awaiting his touch. It was the fact that every day they spoke; her skin would brighten just a little, informing him that she was slowly but surely getting better.

And God, she was beautiful. Did he mention that already? There were times in their sessions that she wouldn't say anything at all, and yet surprisingly he didn't care because he just wanted to stare at her. Yes, it sound creepy even to him.

As he continued to let the water glide over his skin, he thought about the other day when she opened up more to him about her past, and it left him enraged. He knew he shouldn't have been, but her words made his chest tighten.

_"It never crossed my mind in a million years…." Bonnie spoke, as her eyes remained locked on her fingers. "…to do something like that. I never… I always thought that I would lose it to someone I was in love with." She paused for a moment, "And if that never happened then Matt and I agreed that… well joked around that I would give it to him if I never found love….."_

_ Damon shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat and was glad that it went unnoticed by Bonnie._

_ "And then a week after everything happened, I just… I don't know. The way he looked at me; the things he said. At the time… in that moment I felt safe, I felt like this different person. Not knowing that at that time I was turning into this different person."_

_ "Did you love him?" Damon asked, his reason for asking was more for his benefit then helping her. _

_ Bonnie's eyes found his, and the tears appeared, but never fell, "No… maybe… I don't know. But now all I feel is disgust… that I allowed myself to sleep with my professor."_

Damon was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone going off. He got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist, and checked his phone.

He had several missed calls and texts on his phone. The majority being from Stefan, a few from Elijah, and a couple from his friend Rose, and he used the term friend because he didn't think sex partner of the month would be appropriate.

The voicemails from Stefan were just concerning Bonnie, so he deleted them and thought about calling him back tomorrow. Rose just wanted to know if she could come over, and he wasn't in the mood for her… which was a first.

He listened to Elijah's message, knowing that it wasn't pertaining to work; otherwise he would have called his work phone.

"_How is she, Damon?"_ Was all he said before hanging up.

Damon turned off his phone. He knew Elijah was talking about Rebekah. He couldn't put it passed Elijah for figuring out why he took a break from Salvatore Industries. They were just a like in a sense, knowing almost everything, and if not they would figure it out. That's why they were so good at what they did.

Making it a point that he would return everyone's call tomorrow, he grabbed the book he was currently reading this week, off his table. _Call of the Wild_. But as he tried to concentrate on the minute words in front of him, his thoughts instantly went to Bonnie. He found himself wondering if she were sleeping or if she were up thinking about him. He knew that the latter was a long shot, because she barely looked at him during their sessions, and he couldn't blame her. When he was forced into therapy he never looked at his therapist; barely opened up at first. In those moments he hated it and he hated everyone.

His thoughts then went back to their earlier session again, of Bonnie telling him about sleeping with her professor. And again, it was putting him in an angry uncomfortable mood. After a few minutes of trying to block her from his mind, he put his book down, pulled out his cell and called Rose.

He needed to get his mind off of Bonnie, and sex with Rose was the only way he knew how.

* * *

The clock on the wall read _2:20 am_. At this time, Bonnie was usually having a silent conversation with the inside of her eyelids, but her mind was clouded with memories hindering away her sleep. As Bonnie let the room temperature water slide down her throat, her mind began to wonder to the session she had with Damon earlier today. Every time she went into a session with him, she had no plans of revealing so much of her past, but when they were alone in that room together, the way he listened to her with compassion and care, made her want to vent and express her feelings. She was doing much better in one-on-one therapy sessions than the twice a week group ones that she couldn't stand.

Every day she was making a slow progress in her recovery process, but slow was the key word. Because even now as she thought of everything she revealed today, the memories made her wish that a certain clear liquor, with enough percentage of alcohol to make you feel numb, was gliding down her throat instead of water.

* * *

_**Past**_

A week had passed since the night of New Year's Eve, and every day since that night, Bonnie felt guilty…. shameful even. What she did that night went beyond anything and everything she thought possible. She was always levelheaded, barely drank, and never thought about doing any type of drugs. So, getting heavily wasted and snorting cocaine crossed every line in her book.

When she and Matt got back to the dorms that night, they slept until the next evening, and then Bonnie found herself in her bathroom, letting the shower be her best friend for an hour. She didn't care that her skin pruned over, she just wanted to wash that night off of her.

And now, a week later, she was in her room reading a book that was required for her upcoming class. _Call of the Wild._ But her mind wouldn't let her concentrate as she was bombarded from memories of that night. She knew that she was supposed to enjoy her college experience, but what she did was taking it to the extreme. She didn't get this far to screw up everything now.

And a part of her couldn't stop thinking of that night because of the way it made her feel. Like that feeling she would get after she went on a roller coaster ride. Through the ride, she would be a little scared, weightless, even scream the whole time, but afterwards, she would feel relieved, breathless and would want to do it again. And she hated herself because she currently missed that feeling.

"Someone's hungry," Matt's voice brought Bonnie out of her thoughts.

Bonnie turned around and looked at him, lying on her bed flipping through channels on her television. She almost forgot he was here.

"What?" She asked, not understanding his question.

"Your stomach has been growling for the last five minutes." He answered, annoyed because there was nothing on TV and he was bored.

She hadn't even noticed. "Chinese or Pizza?" she asked, knowing that she wasn't in the mood to cook anything, and the only places that would deliver were their local pizza and Chinese restaurant.

"Chinese." Matt answered, nonchalantly, now flipping through a magazine.

When Bonnie got back to 'reading,' Matt's phone went off with the sounds of 'I'm a Barbie girl' filling the room. She turned to look at him, "Um… Matt, you know you don't have to keep that on there right?"

"Yeah, but it's a bit catchy," He said, checking his phone. "Haley wants to know if we want to come over and hang out tonight."

Bonnie's heart instantly jumped at the mention of Haley's name. The definition of hanging out definitely meant something else that Bonnie wasn't sure she needed to do.

"I can tell her no, Bonnie." Bonnie knew that Matt was being sincere when he spoke, but she could also tell that he wanted to go.

"You want to go don't you?"

"Kind of," He admitted. "But I'm not going without you."

Bonnie was silent for a moment. If she were to go, tonight would be her last time for the whole semester. After New Year's Eve, she shouldn't be allowed out anymore. And as soon as classes started back up in another day, she would hold herself to that promise; already preparing herself from the wrath of Caroline.

"Okay," she agreed, "But if I go tonight, I'm not going out for the rest of the semester."

Matt would have told Bonnie that they didn't have to commit to anything tonight, but he really needed a fix. He hated that he did, but if tonight would be Bonnie's last night going out, then tonight would be his last night letting the white nose candy back into his system. He wasn't an addict and he didn't want to turn into one.

"And I'm not going to stay long or have a repeat of last time." She assured him, putting up her book, and sitting on her bed in front of him.

"You mean last time when you were making moon eyes at Professor Shane?" Matt laughed, as Bonnie threw a pillow at him, "Oh Professor Shane you are so hot. Kiss me to bring in New Years," Matt said, doing his best Bonnie impersonation.

She playfully shoved him, "I thought we said we weren't going to bring that up."

"I said I wouldn't bring it up to anyone else, I didn't say I wouldn't torture you from time to time." He laughed, "If I didn't grab you up and kiss you when the clock hit 12, you would have never heard the end of it."

Sometimes Bonnie wished that when she was intoxicated, she wouldn't be able to remember anything from the previous night, but boy was she wrong. She remembered everything from the night before, even flirting with Professor Shane; someone that she would be seeing almost every day when classes started. She was beyond embarrassed at that memory. And on the countdown to the New Year, if Matt didn't kiss her, she would have made a big mistake.

"Thanks for that by the way."

Matt shrugged, "No problem, it just gives me an excuse to kiss you." He winked.

Bonnie smiled and rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you really want to kiss Haley."

"You wouldn't be wrong, but I'm sure I'll get my chance."

"Just be careful with her, Mattie. That girl has a lot going on and I don't want you to…"

"Bons, you know I'm going to be okay." He cut her off, "Plus, I have you… my best friend to knock me over the head if I do anything stupid." He smiled, taking her hand.

At the rate she was feeling right now she would probably join him if he did anything stupid, instead of stop him. "Oh, and when everyone gets back tomorrow, let's just keep the other night… and tonight, between us."

"You don't even have to ask."

* * *

Several hours later, Bonnie and Matt entered Haley's 'mansion' and the first thing Haley did upon seeing them, was lead them downstairs to everyone else. Their eyes landed on the same people from last time, Professor Shane, Connor, and April.

"Make yourself at home," Haley said, "And Matt, you can sit by me."

Bonnie lightly rolled her eyes, but let a small smile cover her face, and sat beside Connor and across from Professor Shane and April.

Haley then handed Bonnie a cup, "Try it, it's good."

When the liquid entered Bonnie's mouth and slid down her throat, she couldn't help but consume more. She as right, it was good. "What is this?"

"Just my own little concoction. I call it, Sex in the driveway." She winked.

"Isn't it called, Sex on the beach, Hales?" April asked, as she rolled up a rather large blunt.

"Yes, but mine is called Sex in the driveway, and mine is a lot better." She said, right before downing a shot.

Bonnie watched as Matt poured dark liquor into his shot glass, and took it back like a pro. Before she could say anything, the blunt that Connor was inhaling, was now being held in front of her face.

"Want a hit?" Connor asked, "This stuff will get you right in a few minutes."

Bonnie's eyes stayed glued to the blunt in front of her, and for a moment, she thought about declining and just sip on her drink, but knowing this would be her last time partaking in any of this, she decided to take the blunt out of his fingers, and stick it partially in her mouth, inhaling. When she exhaled a bit, she did find herself coughing, but held her ground. She did it one more time before returning it back to him.

About an hour in, Bonnie was feeling good. She didn't know whether she was drunk or high, all she knew was that she was in a euphoric state, leaning back on Haley's leather sofa. It was like she was floating and all of her muscles felt at ease. She had no worries, not about her past or her future. She was just in the here and now, and it felt great.

Bonnie looked over at Matt who was making out with Haley, and when there making out got a little more heavily, she led him upstairs. If Bonnie would have been in her right mind, she would have stopped him or at least made sure it was what he wanted, but Matt was a grown man, he could make decisions for himself.

"I don't think you realize how beautiful you are." Professor Shane's voice pulled Bonnie away from her attention on Matt and Haley.

When she looked at him, her breath caught in her throat at how gorgeous he really was. He may have been older and more mature, but he just had this certain demeanor about himself, that made Bonnie feel a certain amount of heat tingle below her waist.

She was definitely surprised at his compliment, because someone like him could never be interested in someone like her. Always growing up, Elena and Caroline got all of the attention, and Bonnie was lucky to get their leftovers to give her any attention. It wasn't that she wasn't a pretty girl, but she felt her other two friends were immaculate and had more going for them that guys were attracted too.

"And I don't think you realize how hot you really are." Bonnie spoke with utter confidence, which was a first. It had to either be the five shots she had, the two lines of coke she snorted earlier, or the weed she was currently inhaling to give her that extra poise.

"I've always noticed you in my classes." He said, trailing circles on her bare thigh, causing her to shiver in satisfaction.

"Really?"

"You're one of my best students, how could I not? Do you have my class this coming semester?"

"Yes….y-you're a good t-teacher." She could barely get her words out from the sweet torture he was instilling on just her thigh. She looked over to make sure Connor and April weren't looking at them, and she was right, because their attention was too busy on exploring each other's tongues instead in their direction.

"Really? I try to be good at _everything_ I do." The innuendo in 'everything' was not missed by Bonnie. And she didn't know what came over her, but she wanted to experience the 'everything' he mentioned. At this moment she was feeling so carefree that she didn't care about what could happen.

"Care to give me preview?"

And before she could say anything or wonder if she shouldn't have said anything at all, his lips were on hers.

Bonnie was a little caught off guard, because she had never been kissed like this before. Between a few pecks from Matt, a dare where she had to kiss Tyler, and a brief sneak attack from Jeremy years ago, this was the first time a kiss had ever been so intense.

When Shane pulled her closer to him, his tongue darted in her mouth, and she accepted him fully. He tasted of bourbon and weed, and so did she. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as he traced his hands along her back, in a caress.

She was so into the kiss, that when he moved down and nibbled lightly on her neck, she let out a soft moan.

"Get a room," April said, in between playing tonsil hockey with Connor.

Shane immediately stopped, and smiled at Bonnie's swollen lips. "That's not a bad idea."

Was Bonnie really going to do this? Go to a room with her professor, and let him do things to her, that her body desperately wanted right now; things that she promised herself that she would never do until she was in love. High or not, drunk or not, did she really want this?

When Shane stood up and held out his hand, Bonnie looked at him. This would be her last night to do anything crazy, and she didn't have to go further than she wanted too. Making out wouldn't hurt anything, right?

So, when she grabbed his hand, and led her upstairs to one of the vacant rooms, he locked the door, and was kissing her desperately again.

They fell back onto the bed. "You don't know how long I've wanted this." He said, between kissing her.

Bonnie was so in tuned with his kisses that she didn't even care to respond. Because the truth was that everyday since New Year's, she had been thinking of him. Wondering what it would be like, for just a moment, to be noticed by someone like him… with his caliber.

Bonnie didn't know when her shirt came off, but when his hands went under her skirt, she tensed up a little, causing him stop.

"Are you alright? We can stop if you want?" He didn't want to stop, but he didn't want to force himself upon her, and have her screaming 'rape.'

Bonnie thought for a moment if she really wanted him to do this; if this was something that she should be doing? Her intentions were just to make out, but he was so generous towards her and held a sense of compassion in his eyes that made her feel safe. And at this moment, that's what she wanted to continue to feel; safe and carefree.

But before she did do anything, she thought that she should at least be honest with him, "I-I'm… I've n-never…"

"You're a virgin?" He asked. Bonnie was surprised that his voice was so level and not betraying a mocking tone.

"Yes…"

Shane hid his excitement. He could have jumped for joy when finding out that she had not been touched by another man. He loved virgins, and he would love taking hers.

"Don't worry," He said softly, moving a stray hair gently out of her face, "I'll be gentle… and we can stop anytime."

Bonnie's eyes connected with his and saw the sincerity. When she nodded, Shane undressed and slid on a condom, causing Bonnie to blush.

"I'm going to kiss you while I enter you. It'll only hurt for a moment." He explained, and when she nodded, his lips found their way back to hers, and before Bonnie could process anything, he was slowly entering her.

Shane was right, it did hurt at first…. really hurt, and Bonnie had a few tears escape her eyes to prove it, but then an indescribable sensation filled her; the sensation she usually got when she would practice solo on herself. But at this moment, she felt as if everything was heightened; as if she were drowning in a blissful rapture of ecstasy.

She never wanted it to end.

Bonnie's head was pounding as she woke up the next morning. It took her a moment for her eyes to focus on her surroundings. Usually when she drank she remembered everything that happened the night before, but as of right now, she was drawing a blank.

Well, that was until she noticed Professor Shane asleep beside her, and the memories came rushing back. An intense wave of nausea rushed to the surface, and Bonnie felt as if she were going to be sick.

She could feel the vomit and tears rushing to the surface as she remembered everything she did last night. She not only drank and got high, two things she said she wasn't going to do when coming back here, but she lost the most important thing to her; to someone she barely knew, who was also older than her and her professor.

What the Fuck was she thinking? She wanted to claw her skin off…..turn back time… anything and everything to make this go away. What had she done?

Bonnie stood out of bed and put back on her clothes.

"Off so soon," Shane's voice caught her attention.

She watched him sit up in bed, "I have to get going, my friends are coming back today." It took everything in her not to cry out.

"Are you okay, Bonnie… about last night?"

She nodded.

"Are you sure? I wasn't too rough was I?"

"No…. you were perfect." She was being honest. He treated her amazingly last night, putting her needs above his own, but this wasn't supposed to happen and she knew that.

He then kissed her on the forehead, "Let's just keep this between us."

She nodded, because that was exactly what she was thinking.

"Call me if you need anything."

When Bonnie put on her last piece of clothing and her shoes, she stepped out of the room and dialed Matt's cell.

It only rang once, before she heard the Barbie Girl ringtone, and saw him walking out of another room, closing the door behind him.

Matt instantly grabbed Bonnie in a hug, "Bonnie I'm so sorry for keeping you here all night. One thing led to another with Haley and…." He paused, not sure if he should say more. And that's when he noticed the sad expression on her face, "Are you alright?

_No_, "My head is killing me… I'm just ready to go home."

Matt intertwined his hand with hers as they went outside and waited for a cab. And for some reason, Bonnie felt like nothing would ever be the same after today.

* * *

_**Present**_

And was she right about that, Bonnie thought, as the memory of that night left her. Nothing was ever the same after that night.

"Bonnie, I love you and all, but will you turn off that sodding light." Rebekah said, with sleepy irritation in her voice. A light smile crossed Bonnie's features at Rebekah's demand, as she turned off the light, and laid back down.

Sometimes Rebekah stayed the night in Bonnie's room, vice versa, if things got a little too hard and she didn't want to be alone. Surprisingly, Bonnie didn't mind, because Rebekah's kindness and friendship was soothing.

Right before she closed her eyes to go to sleep, Damon unexpectedly entered her mind.

* * *

The next day, Bonnie found herself on the treadmill with Rebekah right beside her on the elliptical. Bonnie was surprised to find a small gym in the facility, but found herself using it almost every day. And there were at least five different nurses standing watch to make sure people who utilized the area didn't do anything stupid.

Running on the treadmill actually brought a certain amount of ease to her body. When she was running, her cravings for certain things weren't as dominant. And plus, she got exercise and stayed fit while doing so.

"Hi, Pearl!" Rebekah exclaimed, as Rebekah's therapist walked into the gym.

"Hi, Rebekah, how are you today?"

"Doing well. We still on for four?" she asked.

"Of course." She smiled, and then her attention went over to Bonnie, "Bonnie, Damon will be running a little late today, but he still wants to meet with you around 7. Will you be up for it being so late?

Bonnie slowed down her running, "Sure." She responded softly. She actually found herself enjoying talking to Damon, so a meeting with him anytime was fine.

"And also there is someone here to see you."

Bonnie pressed stop on the treadmill. "What….who?" she asked, unaware of whom it could be. She specifically told them when she entered the facility that she didn't want her friends or family to have visitation rights. She didn't want them to see her like this, and she just couldn't face them after everything she had done…. Not yet.

"I'm not sure, but she said she really wanted to see you." Pearl answered, "And I think it would be a good idea, Bonnie. I know you gave away visitation rights, but It helps seeing a familiar face; knowing that they haven't given up on you."

"I think you should at least go and see who it is, Bons." Rebekah agreed with Pearl. "You're always thinking that your friends don't care about you, but obviously they are trying to breach through rules to come see you."

Bonnie thought about it for a moment, as her palms began to sweat. She had no idea who was out there, and she had to be honest… she was terrified.

It had only been a little over a month being in the facility, and she didn't know if she was ready to see anyone.

"Plus, you can always look who it is before actually going out there, that way you can turn back around if it's not someone you are ready to see."

Rebekah had a point.

"Fine… but I'm only doing this once. If anyone else asks for me, please tell them that I don't want to see anyone." She said to Pearl.

When Bonnie made her way to the lobby where they can have visitors, she noticed the straight brown hair that belonged to her best friend, Elena Gilbert.

Before she opened the door to enter the lobby where she was waiting, she thought about turning back around and telling someone to make her leave, but she decided that if Elena came all this way, it had to be important.

Bonnie walked up and sat down in a chair in front of her.

The girls stared at each other in silence as they tried to decipher what to say to the other.

Elena was the first to speak, "How are you, Bonnie."

"I'm…I'm hanging in there." She said, softly; her voice cracking a little as she tried to hold in her tears. Seeing Elena in front of her was almost too much to bear. "Is um… is everything alright? I wasn't expecting… I…"

A light smile crossed Elena's face, "Everything's fine. I just… I just wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you were alright and that they were treating you well here."

"I am…. And they are." She spoke.

And when silence fell among them again, Elena spoke up, "Katherine's getting married."

Bonnie's eyes widened in shock.

"I know that was my facial expression too. But I'm just up here helping her pick out a dress." Before Bonnie could question how absurd that sound, Elena continued, "My mom wanted to come and help her find a dress and dragged me along. I didn't really want to come."

That sound like the Elena she knew, but she could tell by her face that Elena was truly happy for her twin, even if they didn't get along.

"Here's your invitation," She said, handing her a small white envelope. "Katherine wanted me to give it you."

Bonnie was a bit surprised, because Katherine couldn't really stand any of Elena's friends.

"It's in eight months, and if… well, when you're out of this place we all want you to be there."

The only thing Bonnie could do was nod.

"Well, I guess I'll get going."

When they both stood up, Bonnie wasn't sure she was ready for a hug, so she kept her distance, and slowly smiled, "Elena… thank you… for this." She said holding up the invitation, "And thank you for coming."

"No problem." She smiled, "Hurry up and get better. We all miss you."

And with those final words, Bonnie watched Elena walk out of the facility and then returned herself back to the gym with Rebekah.

* * *

Walking outside of Manhattan's Rehabilitation center, the brunette placed her sunglasses on, to cover her eyes from the bright sun that filled the day.

"How is your friend," The beautiful male accented voice filled her ears.

She turned around, "There you are." She smiled sweetly, and kissed him on the lips. "She says she's doing fine, but I can tell that it's hard on her. How was your chat with Damon?"

"It went well." He answered, "She didn't suspect you not being Elena?"

"Nope," Katherine smiled, "I'm getting good at impersonating my twin." Bonnie declined visitation rights for all of the little Scooby gang, but didn't think about declining Katherine, so when she came to the facility she was glad to find her name wasn't on the list.

"Why did you do it by the way?" Elijah asked, as he held onto her hand and walked across the street.

"Because out of all of my sister's little friends, I liked Bonnie the most and I hated that she went through what she did." Katherine explained. Yes, there were a lot of times where she couldn't stand Elena, but she still loved her sister, and she even loved her weird, annoying friends. And when she found out about Bonnie and Matt it did break her heart.

"And because of you," She smiled sweetly to him. "You've changed me, Elijah. You didn't give up on me, when everyone else did. You're making me into this better person, and I love you for it."

"I love you too, Katerina."

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I know there wasn't really any Bamon interaction, but I will promise that the next chapter will have it and it will be right where this chapter left off! Thank you again so much for your reviews.**

**And I don't plan on moving super-fast with Bonnie and Damon. Yes, there is an attraction on Damon's part, and we can kind of see a little from Bonnie. But that's all there is right now. No one is going to act on those feelings because of the situation they're in.**

**And I'm going to be honest, I hated writing that Shane and Bonnie part in this story, but it is a key part to Bonnie's downfall and her recovery, so like I said in the first chapter, it will be exploring this dark side. And I know you may all think that that moved way too fast and Bonnie has no willpower, but from her perspective, she's feeling so carefree and out of her element that she's getting to a point that she's not going to care about anything she does. So, I hope I didn't push you away from this story and you continue to read!**

**Please, Please Please Review! All of your reviews mean so much to me, and I read everyone! They give me motivation and I just love them so please review! =) xoxo.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Wow! Thank you all so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites! I know I sound like a broken record lol, but it really does mean a lot to me. I know a lot of you are wondering where Matt is and it will be explained in a few more chapters. Hope you enjoy! And thank you all for sticking with this story, it really means a lot!**

* * *

_Distraction_

Sweat dripped from Bonnie's skin as she stepped off of one of her favorite distractions from being in this place…. the treadmill. An hour of cardio was definitely needed after seeing Elena. Though she missed her friend dearly, it was too much right now… too hard. It brought back memories that in that moment she didn't want to bring up or she would shed her tears right in front of her. The only people who saw her cry here was Rebekah and Damon. And even his viewing was limited.

"After we shower, do you want to meet me in the cafeteria? They are having Italian tonight." Rebekah beamed.

She valued her new found friend's cheeriness. When the days got harder here to bear, Rebekah's friendship and comfort was extremely needed. And since she wasn't feeling any jitters today or out of her element, she agreed to meet her.

When they parted ways, Bonnie walked towards her room. Her attention was elsewhere when she accidently bumped into someone.

Hands instantly gripped onto her shoulders to keep her from falling.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention." A male voice said, causing her to look up.

Bonnie's emerald eyes connected with hazel, as she looked at the man who ran into her. The first thought that crossed her mind was that he was insanely good-looking. She would be blind not to notice.

"I-I wasn't paying attention either." She stated, straightening herself from what would have been an embarrassing fall.

Pure white teeth showed as he smiled at her, "I guess we're both at fault."

A small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes appeared on her face.

"I'm Marcel by the way." He said, holding out his hand.

Bonnie hesitated for a moment, but then shook it. "B-Bonnie." Her voice was a little shaky, because the only people she ever really spoke to here were Rebekah, Damon, and her nurse at times. But his smile was holding her captive a bit.

"It was nice to meet you, Bonnie," He smiled, "Hope to see you soon." And then he walked off, giving her one more look.

Bonnie couldn't help but glance at him one more time as he walked off, before making her way back to her room to take a shower.

* * *

"I am stuffed," Rebekah Mikaelson announced to her new friend, as she sat back in her chair and rubbed her stomach. "I don't think I've ever been this full here in my life… nor had this great of food."

Bonnie had to agree. The idea for Italian night was one of the best ideas this facility had. She was stuffed and now incredibly sleepy. She probably would have gone back to her room to go to sleep if she didn't have her session with Damon in thirty minutes.

Once thinking about Damon, her heart did some type of flutter, or did it skip a beat? She didn't know. Upon all of the sessions every day, whether she spoke or not, Damon interested her. Yes, he was attractive, that was more than a given, but he was understanding, compassionate, and easy to talk too. The fact that she was able to open up to him, which it was more than she could say during her group sessions with other therapists, was also a reason for her thoughts to be solely on him at the moment. Even though she was still a little broken from everything that brought her here in the first place and other things that had been done to her, she still couldn't stop thinking about him.

Well, that was until Rebekah pulled her out of her thoughts. "I don't believe it."

Bonnie's attention went towards the entrance of the cafeteria, where Rebekah's eyes were now hooked.

In walked the man she met earlier, Marcel. His eyes instantly went to both her and Rebekah and the jaw dropping smile he gave Bonnie earlier was plastered on his face again.

"Marcel! What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Rebekah smiled, standing up and wrapping her arms around him.

"Baby Mikaelson, why else would I be here?" Marcel smiled, looking her over. He sure did miss her.

A small blush couldn't help but creep among Rebekah's cheeks. It always seemed to happen with him, even when she was young. But then she realized introductions were in order.

"Where are my manners, Bonnie this is my friend Marcel, Marcel this is my new friend Bonnie."

"We met earlier." Marcel smiled, and then sat down in front of them.

It was almost ridiculous how immaculate his smile was, Bonnie thought.

"You still haven't explained why you're here….. again." Rebekah added, catching Bonnie's attention.

"I fell off the wagon again," he shrugged.

Bonnie couldn't help but wonder why he spoke so nonchalantly, because she couldn't imagine getting out of this place and then coming back. Yes, it was a nice facility and they took care of you, but she already didn't want to be here to begin with. And just thinking about finally recovering, and then messing up again and having to come back is something that she probably wouldn't be able to deal with.

As Rebekah and Marcel continued talking, Bonnie glanced at the clock and realized it was 7:05pm. Crap, she was late.

"I have to get going. I'm late for my therapy session." She stood up, and was surprised when Marcel stood up with her.

"Hopefully next time I see you, we can spend more than five minutes together." He unexpectedly kissed her hand.

Bonnie had to admit that she was a little taken back, and though she tried to smile at his kind gesture, it never quite reached her eyes. She informed Rebekah that she would see her later and then left the cafeteria.

Rebekah grinned as her friend left and then looked back at Marcel, "What was that about."

"She's cute. Maybe I could…"

"What happened to Meredith?" She cut him off before he said something out of line.

His signature shrug was back, "Eh, we're taken a break."

"How long has it been this time?"

"Two months, but she's still coming back for the ten inches below my…."

"Okay," She playfully shoved him, "I don't need the visual. Plus, I'm sure it's you who tries to beg your way back into her knickers." She laughed.

He then grabbed her hand, "But you know you're the only one for me."

"I'm sure," She kept her hand in his, feeling comfort from his touch, "Why are you really here Marcel? I know you, and I know that when you were dealing with everything and when you came here for your recovery you were 23, you're 26 now. And I know you haven't touched the stuff again, so why are you here?"

Rebekah was right. Marcel hadn't partaken in any drugs or alcohol since he went through his recovery period. Those were the days that he really didn't like to think about, because he was a different person back then; a person that he vowed to never go back to. And when he recovered and left the facility at the age of 23, it killed him to know that Rebekah was barking up the same tree as he once was on. He tried to help her and guide her on the right path, but her stubbornness surpassed any help he could give.

He grew up with the Mikaelson's, and he treated Rebekah like his little sister, so seeing her here after almost a year, he couldn't lie and say it wasn't hard.

"They miss you, Rebekah. They want you to come home." His voice was soft, almost a whisper.

Rebekah rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair, "I knew it. Marcel, I'm not ready to leave here yet. Klaus and Elijah don't want to see me, not after everything I've done."

"If they didn't want to see you, they wouldn't have told me to check myself back into this place to help you reconsider. Rebekah you have been here far too long. We know that you have recovered. Why won't you let Klaus and Elijah see you? Better yet why won't you come home?"

Rebekah then stood up, and her angered expression was not missed… neither were her tears, "Marcel, I love you, I really do. It's good seeing you…it's _insanely_ good seeing you. But I'm not leaving here... not right now. So, tell my brothers to leave me alone, because I'm fine."

"That's right, you are fine, Rebekah!" His voice rose as he stood up, causing a few people to glance their way. "So come home. They are losing their mind without you there. Elijah is getting married soon and he wants you to be there. And Klaus… Klaus is unbearable without you around."

"Do you know what Klaus told me the last time I saw him? Do you? He told me he never wanted to see me again! He told me that I was dead to him… that he did not have a sister. So please, just stay out of it and leave me alone." And then she stormed out of the cafeteria, not caring about everyone's eyes on her.

* * *

Damon sat patiently in the chair provided for him when he did his sessions with Bonnie. It took every ounce of him, through his better judgment, not to walk into that cafeteria and yank her away from Marcel's pathetic attempt at flirtation.

The last time he saw Marcel was about a couple weeks ago when he came back from Paris exhibiting some of Klaus's artwork. So, why he was now here had to be because Klaus and Elijah wanted him to try to convince Rebekah to go home. And if one person could do it, it was Marcel. They had all grown up together, him, Stefan, Klaus, Elijah, Rebekah, Kol, Finn, and Marcel, but other than her siblings, Rebekah had been closer to Marcel. He could even remember the small crush she had on him when she was younger.

But pushing that memory aside, he mentally kicked himself for getting as upset as he did by seeing Marcel kiss Bonnie's hand. And he was only able to view the revolting scene because he was running late to their session and glanced into the cafeteria where he saw them.

He was actually glad he had to reschedule from this afternoon, otherwise he wouldn't have witnessed what he did.

He figured he had Elijah to thank for that.

_"Damon…."_

_ Damon stopped before he walked into Manhattan's Rehabilitation Center at the sound of Elijah's voice._

_ He turned around to face his long- time friend and employee. "I knew it wouldn't take you long to figure it out."_

_ "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked._

_ Before they both decided to walk across the street and sit on a bench, Damon called Pearl to inform Bonnie that he would have to reschedule for 7 tonight._

_ "Stefan wanted me to help one of his college friends out, who was just admitted to this place. I'm helping her out with her recovery." He answered his question._

_ Elijah stayed quiet for a moment, "How is she?"_

_ He knew he was talking about Rebekah. "She's okay. I think she's ready to go home, but she says she's not."_

_ "I just want to see her. I don't think she understands that everything that happened wasn't her fault." _

_ "I don't think she does either. But I'll keep an eye on her for you."_

_ Elijah nodded. _

They end up talking for a little while longer before Damon had to go to a meeting with the Board at Salvatore Industries. Even though he was supposed to be taking a little hiatus from his job, Elijah needed the day off to do something with Katherine, so of course he would step in to go to the meeting…. especially since he was the one who scheduled it.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, I lost track of time." Bonnie explained as she walked in, bringing Damon out of his thoughts.

She seemed a little brighter than the other days he counseled her, and he wondered if that had to do with Marcel.

And that left him annoyed… though it shouldn't have.

When Bonnie sat down across from Damon, she didn't miss the look of agitation on his face as he stared at her. In a way it was making her uncomfortable.

"These sessions are to help you; If you don't want to come or if you're going to be late just say so, so I don't have to waste my time."

Bonnie's eyes widened a little in shock, unaware if she was imagining his sudden coldness.

"I-I'm sorry…" Her apology was just a bit above a whisper as her eyes connected with her knees. The relaxed feeling that consumed her after she exercised was now gone, and she was beginning to feel small and feeble.

"Whenever you're ready." He said not looking at her, but jotting down notes.

For some reason the feeling of despair left her and in filled an emotion of irritation. Why was she sorry? She didn't want to be here in the first place. And as her therapist, he had no right to snap at her the way he did.

"Actually, since it seems like I have a choice, I'd rather not do these sessions anymore." Her voice was level, and it brought Damon's eyes to look into hers.

He could see the anger hidden behind them, but he could also see the sadness, the distress she bared. And he mentally kicked himself again for causing that. He shouldn't have lashed out at her… hell he didn't even know why he did. But seeing her features brighten today and the look of relaxation on her face pissed him off because he wasn't the one who placed it there. Almost every day she came into these one-on-one sessions with him, and yes she may have been opening up, but it was barely, and the light in her eyes never showed, like today.

"You don't have a choice." He didn't mean for his voice to sound hollow… emotionless. Jackass of the year award definitely went to Damon Salvatore. His mother would be proud, he thought sarcastically. She was probably rolling over in her grave because he was being rude to a patient that needed his help. This place was for recovery, not to criticize and make them feel low and worse than they already did. No one treated him like that when he was in her position years ago.

Bonnie rolled her eyes and stood up. Since she didn't have a choice she would have to get another therapist. "I'm out of here."

He stood up and gently grabbed her arm to turn her around. It was unprofessional… he knew that, but he was Damon Salvatore… he really didn't care.

Though his hand was soft and gentle upon her skin, a lot of not so pleasant memories invaded her mind, and when he quickly let go, she took a breath of relief.

"Bonnie… look, I'm sorry." He apologized. "I didn't mean to talk to you that way. It was unprofessional and disrespectful of me."

Her eyes connected with his and she saw the sincerity behind them.

"Please sit, we at least have thirty minutes left. You can talk if you want too, if not, that's okay too."

Bonnie found herself sitting back down across from him. And for the first five minutes there was nothing but silence as she tried looking everywhere but his eyes. Eyes that were so blue, she almost wondered if they were contacts.

"Do you wear contacts?" she asked, breaking the silence. She hadn't planned on asking him, but the word vomit thing happened, and here she was, asking her therapist if he wore contacts.

"No," He gave her a smile that made her wonder if a blush crept among her face. "Trust me you're not the only one who asks that question."

Silence enveloped them again.

"I don't know if I can do this…." She spoke softly. "It's hard…. Being here, reliving memories that are painful. Some days I feel like I'm okay…that I'm getting better, but then others…"

"Feels as if you're back at square one…" He finished her sentence. "You feel like one moment you could be getting better, one step closer to leaving this place, and then you start craving the things that put you here. And it pisses you off, because you thought you were so close to recovery… to never having to come back. And then you may go through a withdrawal or two a day. And you wonder will you ever leave? What if you think you're better, get out, and then have to come back?"

Everything he said was exactly how she felt.

Bonnie didn't know when she focused her attention solely on him, but the look on his face as he spoke was as if he were reliving a memory. "I guess you've helped several people like me."

"You would be my first."

That shocked Bonnie a little. She knew that he was new to the facility but the way he was with her, it really seemed like he counseled people in rehab for a living.

Before Damon realized what he was doing he stood up from his chair and knelt down in front of Bonnie. Her eyes held him captive, as he grabbed her hand gently. "I know what you're going through Bonnie and I am going to help you. I'm going to help you get through this, and in no time you will be out of this place and never have to come back. But I need you to trust me, and meet me half way."

It felt as if electric shocks were shooting through her body at his touch, and yet it felt comfortable… almost right.

Damon knew that he had passed the line of professionalism. But he didn't care. He didn't care that someone could walk in on them at any moment and bust his ass. But, the fact that he donated a lot of money to this place would probably make them turn away.

"How do you know?" she asked, feeling the slight squeeze he was adding onto her hand to assure her. "How do you know what I'm going through?" It was a crazy question because he was a psychologist with a PH, D. So, of course he could understand people. There was just something about the way he explained everything to her. Almost as if…

"Because 10 years ago it was me sitting right where you are."

* * *

It was 9:30pm when Bonnie found herself walking back to her room. She didn't expect to run over her session. Hell, she didn't even know that it was allowed, but after Damon revealed that he use to be in rehab, it made her look at him in a completely different light. And that made her open up more without any hinted fear.

When she got to her room, she was a little surprised to see Rebekah lying on her bed. Well, actually she wasn't really that surprised because Rebekah usually stayed with her some nights.

Since Rebekah's back was facing towards her, she assumed she was sleep. Bonnie didn't even bother taking off her hoodie because the facility liked to freeze you at night, as she climbed into bed.

"It's about time you got here. What kind of session last two hours?"

Bonnie hinted an attitude in her tone, but when Rebekah turned around; Bonnie noticed hertear stained face.

"What happened?" she asked with concern. Bonnie wrapped her in her arms when more tears began to fall. "Bexs, what's wrong?"

After a few minutes, Rebekah was able to calm down a little and the tears ceased. Bonnie stayed silent, waiting for her friend to speak. She would wait all night if she had too, especially because Rebekah had done the same for her.

"Marcel is trying to get me to come home." Her voice was soft… distant.

Bonnie was confused.

"Marcel grew up with me and my family. He is like a brother to me. And my actual brothers want me to come home. So, they got him to check himself back in just to convince me to leave."

"Why don't you?" Bonnie asked Rebekah once before why she was still here, when she recovered almost two months ago. But the only answer she got was….

"I'm not ready yet…" Rebekah was now leaning against the headboard, staring into space, as Bonnie looked at her. "I was young when I started, just like you. I met this guy, and got in with the wrong crowd. I became distant from my brothers. And we all use to be so close. I told them I was leaving for college when really I was going to live with the guy. He treated me like a queen and we always got high and drank from morning to night most days. It was heaven. I felt weightless… beautiful… wanted. It's what all girls want, and I wasn't any different. When my brothers found out that I took the money from my tuition to build a life with him, they were furious." She paused for a moment, and Bonnie held onto her hand, providing her comfort, "Especially Niklaus. And though they tried to stop me, I am stubborn, so whatever they said, it went through one ear and out the other. And then one night, everything took a turn for the worst…."

_Rebekah eye's drifted open slowly as she turned over in bed, reaching for the love of her life. A small pout formed on her face when he wasn't there. _

_ "He's gone."_

_ Her brother's voice sounded in her ears, causing her to sit up and pull the cover closer to her, "What are you doing here, Nik?" _

_ "Rebekah, it's been fun…" He stated, reading from a piece of paper, "It's been fun, but I think we should see other people. You're nice and all… really generous. But I don't think it's the right time for me to get involved in anything serious. Thanks for the cash."_

_ Tears escaped Rebekah's eyes, as Niklaus threw the piece of paper at her._

_ "How much did you give him, Rebekah?"_

_ She ignored him, rereading the letter several times. This couldn't be real. Alexander couldn't have left her. He proposed to her last night._

_ Before she could comprehend anything else, she was being pulled by her arms, to come face to face with her brother, "HOW MUCH DID YOU GIVE HIM, REBEKAH!"_

_ Rebekah cried. When her brother yelled it was almost like another World War. _

_ "All of it…" She whispered through sobs_

_ He let her go, causing her to fall back on the bed. He took the liquor and beer bottles that were around the room and started throwing them, watching as they shattered everywhere._

_ "Nik, stop!"_

_ "You want me to stop! You put yourself on this path! You did this!" His eyes connected with hers, and the look he gave her was more than just a slap in the face, "From this moment on, you're not my family, you're not my sister. You. Are. Nothing." He threw one last bottle, and walked out of her life._

_ Rebekah's heart felt as if it were yanked out of her chest as she cried. She didn't know what to do, how to handle it. Alexander wasn't picking up his cell phone and Nik had walked out on her._

_ She didn't know how long she sat in the bed; she and Alex bought together, before Kol and Finn were walking through the door._

_ "Get your things, we're taking you home." Finn said, upon seeing his sister._

_ Rebekah stayed silent as she grabbed a few of her things. She was about to grab the bag of coke she left in the drawer from last night, but Kol was immediately yanking it out of her hand._

_ "I think it's best if you leave it here, sister." _

_ Her eyes connected with his, and there was more than just anger behind her brother's eyes… there was hurt, betrayal. _

Everything else that happened that night was just a blur of memories; getting in the backseat of Finn's car as Kol sat in the passenger's seat. Driving in the dark night as the rain mounted the earth, tire's screeching, and her head coming in contact with the glass window until everything went black.

Rebekah hadn't realized she was crying as she told Bonnie her story, "When I woke up a few days later, I learned that Kol and Finn didn't make it. A semi- truck crashed into us, and they didn't survive. And it was my fault. I did this."

Bonnie couldn't help but have a few tears in her eyes from what her friend just revealed, "No, Rebekah, it's not your fault."

"It is… if I would have let them help me, if I didn't lie and move away. And now my brothers are dead because of me. I did this…"

Bonnie held onto her as she cried in her arms.

Minutes passed before Rebekah was able to calm down. Her voice was barely there when she spoke, "I really did believe Alex when he said he loved me. He promised we'd be married. I trusted him with my heart… with my money. I let him start a bank account for us, and all my funds that I grew up with were in that bank account. What kind of hopeless fool does that?"

Bonnie loosely treaded her fingers through Rebekah's hair, providing comfort…. security.

"They will never be able to forgive me. And I don't blame them, because I can't forgive myself."

Bonnie held onto Rebekah as she fell asleep. Rebekah had always been so strong for her being here, and she was still fighting with demons of her own. She only hoped that soon she would be able to forgive herself for everything that happened.

As she continued holding on to her, she succumbed to sleep herself.

* * *

_**Past**_

For a moment Bonnie had no idea where she was or what was going on, all she knew was that someone had turned on her light and jumped on her bed.

"Wake up, sleepy heads!" Caroline beamed, letting the whole world know she was back in town.

Matt groaned from beside her, and she honestly couldn't remember Matt staying with her after they left Haley's this morning. All she could remember was taking a shower and lying on her bed and passing out.

Bonnie yawned, forgetting that Caroline was coming back today. Before she could say anything, Elena jumped on her bed, joining them. She was glad to see her friends, she really was, but she had a searing headache and just wanted to go back to sleep.

"It's like Five in the afternoon, why are you both still asleep?"

"Trying to get in the last bit of sleep before classes start tomorrow," Bonnie lie came off the top of her head.

"Okay, well we're back now, so get up! I have pictures and I got Henry Cavil's Autograph." The excitement in Caroline's voice was not missed. "And he even said I was pretty. I'm thinking a December wedding."

No one noticed Matt roll his eyes. He didn't want to partake in girl talk, all he wanted to do was go back to sleep.

"Could you guys take this in the living room?"

"Someone's cranky." Elena said.

"I'll be out in a minute, guys." Bonnie gave them a small smile, as her friends walked into the living room and began talking about their Christmas Break.

Bonnie checked her phone and frowned a bit when there weren't any new text messages; which meant Shane hadn't tried to contact her. She quickly scrolled through her phone and clicked his name. The phone rang about three times before it went to voicemail. She tried again, because usually there were more rings before it went to voicemail, but this time it didn't even ring. Instead, the sound of Shane's voicemail invaded her ears again.

She tried not to make a big deal out of it as she left Matt to go and join her friends in the living room.

"So, Katherine's supposedly met a guy." Elena said, as Bonnie sat down beside her.

"How long do you think this one will last?" Caroline asked.

They were all aware that Katherine's relationships lasted no more than a month. She would grow tired of them and be on her merry way to the new guy.

"They've been dating for about three months. She was on her phone more than she was with us over Christmas."

"What does he look like?" Bonnie asked.

"He's actually kind of gorgeous. Not more than Stefan though." Elena quickly added that in, "And he has a British accent. Katherine introduced me via Skype."

"Well, go ahead Katherine." Caroline said, "Let's hope she doesn't do anything stupid."

"Yeah, I just felt like I was in the twilight zone this Christmas. Katherine wasn't that big of pain when we were together… a lot more bearable."

The girls laughed.

"So, Bons, how was it here? I still think you should have come with me." Caroline asked.

Bonnie loved her friends dearly but there was no way she was going to tell them certain things that happened during the break. She couldn't even bring herself to really believe that she participated in drugs and lost her virginity to her professor. Her heart sped up in agony, just thinking about it.

"Not much, Matt and I… um, we hung out most of the time. I made dinner, and just been lounging around watching movies."

"Yes, next time you are definitely coming with one of us." Elena announced.

As the girls continued talking about the ups and downs of their break, Bonnie zoned out. All she could think about was Shane and the fact that she had really gone _there_ with him. How could she have been so stupid? She wanted so much to blame it on the drugs, but she had to own up to her actions. Yes, the drugs and alcohol made her feel carefree, weightless… on a whole different level, but when Shane was giving her this attention that she never got from anyone else it just set something off inside of her. She wanted to be daring, and experience what everyone else had.

And now, now he wasn't returning her calls. Granted, she just saw him this morning, and he probably had to get ready for class tomorrow, but still. She really just wanted to hear his voice.

"Earth to Bonnie," Caroline said, bringing Bonnie out of her thoughts, "Where were you just then?"

"Sorry, just thinking about class for tomorrow." That wasn't a _complete_ lie.

"Well, the cafeteria is open; do you wanna go with us to get something to eat?" Elena asked.

"I'll past this time, I have this crazy headache and I just want to lie down."

Once Caroline and Elena left, Bonnie went back into her room and lied back down next to Matt.

"I know you're not sleep."

"Well, if you guys didn't laugh like hyenas, I probably would have been able to go back."

Bonnie shoved him a little before laying her head on his chest and falling back to sleep. She would see Shane tomorrow and everything would be okay.

When Bonnie walked into her 11:00 class the next morning, the only familiar face she noticed was April Young, the girl she met at Haley's. She wasn't going to sit by her until April waved her over.

"Bonnie, Hey! I'm glad I know someone in here." She smiled, but then whispered, "Well you know, other than Professor Shane."

At the mention of his name, her heart jumped. Even though she was still tired from last night, due to Caroline wanting everyone to stay up and watch a few movies with her because she couldn't sleep and that included Matt and Tyler, who had returned back to the dorms a couple hours after Caroline and Elena did, she was still ready to see Professor Shane.

And when he walked in, closing the door behind her, her heart sped up. Even though it had only been a day, he looked even more gorgeous to her.

Shane's eyes caught hers for a moment, but then he looked away to the rest of the class, "I am Atticus Shane, but you all can call me Shane."

Bonnie could hear a few girls whisper how hot he was behind her, and she instantly rolled her eyes.

"This is Philosophy 1101. I'm already going to inform you all that this isn't going to be an easy class, there will be a lot of discussions and papers, but you will learn a lot. If you don't want me as a teacher, please leave now, I will not be offended."

Everyone stayed in their seats.

As he began passing out the syllabus, Bonnie's phone vibrated. She mentally cursed because she thought she put it on silent.

She quickly turned it off, but not before Professor Shane had a few words to say, "I do not tolerate cell phone use in my class. Take that as a warning." He then placed the syllabus on her desk.

Bonnie's heart continued to pound. A few eyes were on her, and she was never one for attention. She almost had a fear of everyone paying sole attention to just her.

When class was over, Bonnie told April she would catch up with her later, even though she wouldn't. She didn't really want to have any connections with the people she did everything with… well except Shane. But that was for different reasons.

When all of the students left the classroom, Bonnie walked up to Professor Shane's desk.

"Can I help you with something, Miss Bennett."

Miss Bennett? She thought they were on a first name basis. "Um…are you mad at me or something?" Her voice was a bit shaky, because she wasn't use to dealing with situations like this.

"No, why would you think that?"

"I called you yesterday and I just…"

"I'm not mad, Bonnie. Just busy," He explained, "I have another class in a few, I'll call you later."

Bonnie found herself exiting the classroom. A small tear escaped her eye. Of course he was busy; he was a professor after all. They would talk later, and everything would be alright with the world again, she mentally noted as she joined Tyler in the cafeteria for lunch.

* * *

_**One Week Later**_

Bonnie tried covering her reddened face with make-up to hide the fact that she had been crying. It had been a whole week and Shane hadn't contacted her once. She knew he was busy but he could have at least sent a text message or responded to anyone of hers. She only had his class Monday's and Wednesday's and when she tried to talk to him after class Wednesday, he had to meet with someone.

And now a whole week had gone by and it was Monday again. She remembered confiding in Matt last night about what she did with Shane, and she was glad that he held no judgment towards her. He just held her while she cried, explaining that Shane was a 'First class Dick' and that made Bonnie cry harder.

Today she had dressed in a pink sweater dress and leggings that hugged her curves. She normally would have never worn anything like that to class because she believed in sweat pants or yoga pants, a t-shirt or hoodie, and her hair in a ponytail to be comfortable in class. And now her hair was down letting the loose curls fall down her back.

When she walked into class a few guys had their eyes on her, and she even heard someone whistle. An instant blush appeared on her face. She didn't like to stick out, but hell today… today was different.

April was the first to say something, "Wow, you look hot Bonnie,"

"Thanks," she said.

"So, later on Haley and I are going to a little house party, you down?"

Bonnie was about to answer but Shane walked in, laying a few papers down on his desk. He began calling out everyone's name one by one to get their graded homework assignment.

After several names, he finally called Bonnie's and she walked up to him. He only looked up because he heard a slight whistle coming from one of his students. When his eyes found hers, he began to look her up and down, but had to stop himself because he almost forgot he was in a classroom with his other students waiting to be called.

Bonnie grabbed her paper, smiled at her grade and sat back down. She made an A and that almost made her forget about her dilemma.

When class was over, Bonnie was the last one to walk out, but before she did, Shane called her name. "Bonnie, can I speak to you for a moment."

She turned around and he was standing right in front of her. Her breath caught in her throat a little as she looked into his eyes.

"I know I haven't called. But every time I plan too I get swamped with more work."

Bonnie's heart rate slowed down, "It's alright, I understand."

"What are you doing tonight, maybe we could hang out…. Talk..."

She couldn't help but smile, "Sure. Tonight is perfect." Even though she did have a test she needed to study for tomorrow morning. She usually studied way in advance, but this weekend she pretty much spent the whole weekend in her room, letting her emotions run wide over the man standing in front of her. But oh well, she would hang with Shane for a little and then just pull an all-nighter.

He then told her his address. "8:00?"

"8:00 is perfect." She smiled.

* * *

**Present**

Bonnie's eyes shot open, and after a moment glanced at her clock. It read 4:00am. She was no longer holding Rebekah, but sleeping at the end of her bed. She hadn't even realized that she moved.

She then thought about her dream. She could remember that night like it was yesterday. That was the night she went over to Shane's. He apologized for being so distant and she found herself sleeping with him again, and doing a line of coke. She didn't wake up until the next afternoon, completely missing her test and not being able to make it up.

And it didn't get better from there….

* * *

**A/N: What do you think? I know, not that much Bamony goodness and I apologize, but I really am trying to not make them jump into anything, because come on he's her therapist, and half the stuff he did in here was completely unprofessional. But hey, it's Damon. But you can tell that there is an attractiveness going on in there, and Damon has some conflicting feelings that he shouldn't be having.**

**Also, I'm sure you all noticed that scene with Rebekah and Klaus had parts from 4x04. I know if you all are Kol and Finn Fans, you are probably cussing me out. But trust me, I am a big Kol fan, but they were only needed for the scene I had them in. And knowing me and my new love for Kennett, it may have not been a Bamon fic anymore lol. **

**I know Bonnie may seem weak, or wishy washy but it's all a part of her recovery. And in the past, it's obvious that Shane is blowing her off, but Bonnie is so absorbed with just losing her virginity and everything is just conflicting. But trust me when I say our strong Bonnie will develop back in this story.**

**But enough of my rambling. I value you each and every single one you for reading and sticking with this story. It really means a lot. **

**Please Review! xoxo**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews last! They all mean the world to me! I'm glad that I haven't ran anyone off. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Xoxo.**

* * *

Bonnie used to pride herself upon being an A student. She was the valedictorian of her high school class, she got a scholarship to get into college, her major was business, and she wanted to own her own one day. The only thing was that she didn't know exactly what kind of business she wanted to run. But she felt during her college journey she would figure it out. She had an amazing grandmother that was both a mother and a father to her during her childhood. She had amazing friends that she couldn't get enough of. Anyone would deem her happy; hell she was happy. It didn't matter that she had a drunk for a dad who could be a little abusive on his good day, or that she didn't have much money in her account, but she didn't let her troubles shape who she was building herself up to be.

And then she got to college and started off doing really well. She roomed with her best friends, she made the Dean's list, and she even went to a few campus events and enjoyed herself.

But then out of nowhere it just changed. And a part of her should have seen it coming right? She went to a party with one of her best friends and made the speech 'you only live once,' and then she found herself partaking in things she never thought of doing in her life. A few drinks here and there was always something she planned to do. Hell, she even planned on getting shit face drunk when she turned 21, but resorting in drugs? That wasn't her, and she didn't want it to be. But then she found herself back out again, reliving the same moments. Except the next time she was sleeping with her professor. At the time she found him to be this gorgeous, amazing, mature man that gave her the time of day. He made her feel beautiful, carefree, sexy…. just like the drugs. It got to the point where Shane and the drugs became one in the same.

And with that, she went down a destructive path that she never wanted to stray away from. But now that she was off that path, she didn't know what to feel… what to believe. Her mind was constantly racing with memories that she would never be able to get away from. Her body felt as if sometimes it wasn't her own. And though she was able to have people be patient with her as she received the help she needed, would her therapy one-on-one and group sessions really be enough? Will her comfort from her new found friend direct her to continue to stay on the right path? Did she seek guidance, tranquility? Would she be able to go back to the girl she was three years ago when everything made sense?

No, she wouldn't.

To be honest, no one really could. When traumatic life moments happen, people tend to change; eventually they tend to grow.

Bonnie wanted that… change. But she wanted more than just that.

Especially right now.

Right now, she wanted her skin to stop feeling like it was burning. She wanted the bugs that were only a figure of her imagination to stop crawling all over her skin…through her hair. She wanted the dust that wasn't really there to come out of her eyes. Her lungs were tight, making her feel like she was suffocating. She hated it. She hated when she felt this way…. when it would sneak up on her.

Her nurse was with her now, trying to help her… calm her down. Bonnie's knuckles had grown white from the grip she had on her nurse's hands. But her comfort wasn't enough. If they would just give her something…. let her inhale through her nose one more time, she knew it would all go away.

The detox they gave her during her first few weeks was full of shit. It didn't help her. It was pointless. She tried catching her breath, as her words struggled out of her mouth, "I-I need… please… g-give m-me…I n-need…."

"Bonnie it's going to be okay, you just need to concentrate on your breathing."

"Give me my fucking drugs you bitch." She spat out, spitefully.

Her words didn't affect her nurse at all, because she had been working there for fifteen years now and has experienced worse patience than Bonnie. "Breathe with me, Bonnie. Concentrate on a specific thing that brings you peace and focus on that."

"You want to know what brings me p-peace?" She shivered, a little too uncontrollably, "Con-contentment? Do you? Because I d-don't t-think you h-have….. a needle lying a-around with some H to shoot into my blood do you?" The nurse didn't answer. "I d-didn't t-think so."

"You don't need that Bonnie."

Bonnie's attention quickly averted towards the door. Damon was standing in the entrance, "I got it from here, Patricia."

Patricia turned around, and even though she was twice his age, and helped him when he was a patient here, a small blush still snuck among her cheeks. But, crazy reactions aside, she had been doing this job for a while and was professionally trained to deal with people in Bonnie's case.

"With all due respect, Damon, Bonnie needs extensive care…."

"I know Patricia and you know just as well as I do, that I'm also trained." Damon's voice was level but there was also a hint of authority within it. He didn't want to use it against Patricia because he valued her, and she was a really big part of his recovery. But, he wanted to be able to handle Bonnie's condition and help her through it. Sometimes familiarity was needed when dealing with recovery, and though he hadn't been a part of Bonnie's past, he was one of the only ones that she opened up too.

Patricia gave Bonnie a warm smile, before standing up and walking towards Damon. She then whispered, "If I didn't like you Damon or if you didn't donate a lot of money here, I would have your ass thrown out of here…. therapist or not…"

Damon couldn't help but let a soft smile plaster to his lips, as she walked out leaving him alone with Bonnie.

When Damon put down his bag, he walked over and occupied the same chair that Patricia was sitting in. When he held Bonnie's hands in his own, her eyes connected with his. Was it wrong to think she was still beautiful even with the sweat dripping from her face and her hair mattered to her forehead?

"E-Easier…." Bonnie muttered. "D-does it g-get easier…."

He moved the stray hair from her forehead, "Of course it does. Look at me…"

Before he could say anything else, she started thrashing a little, "B-bugs…. are back. Get them off!" Bonnie's skin was crawling, like she was thrown in a pit of roaches and fire ants. "Please…."

"Bonnie… look at me," He sat on her bed in front of her, and gently grabbed her face to bring her attention to him, "Concentrate on my voice…. hear _my_ voice…."

Her hands instantly clenched tightly onto his shoulders. She gripped him so hard that it was as if she were trying to instill her pain into him.

"This will pass. Do you hear me? This will pass."

They didn't know whether minutes or hours passed, but somewhere during it all, Bonnie was able to calm down. Her lips quivered, her body shook slightly, and her head felt like hammers were nailing into her skull. But her skin wasn't crawling anymore.

And when she realized that her hands were still in Damon's, she slowly removed them and leaned back against the headboard.

"Feeling better?" He asked, sitting back in the chair, hoping that he didn't make her feel uncomfortable.

"Define better?" She pulled her knees close to her chest.

"No more bugs but a headache from hell."

She nodded slowly. "I thought you were cancelled for today?" When she started having her little episode earlier, Patricia cancelled with Damon because she was in no place to meet with her therapist.

"If a cancellation was going to happen it was going to be because of me." He spoke with a defiance and authority, yet his voice was calm and collected.

She would have smiled, hell, she wanted too, but her body wouldn't allow it. "Patricia must think I'm a psycho bitch." She vaguely remembered cussing out the older woman who was only trying to help her.

Damon couldn't help but let a little bit of laughter rumble through his throat and out of his mouth, "Trust me, she's been through worse. And you're looking at it. I remember when I was here; she was the only one who would deal with me. Well, her and Pearl. But I would give Patricia such hell and she would still treat me like I was one of her kids or something." He then leaned back in his chair, "So, try not to stress yourself out about it. The mood swings…. its common."

She slowly nodded and took a deep breath. She was glad that she was feeling a little relief because earlier had been torture. Normally it was Rebekah who tried to bring her comfort during her withdrawals, or even Patricia who always seemed to get Bonnie's wrath. This was the first time it had been Damon, and surprisingly she didn't mind. She didn't feel the need to cuss him out and throw things; he calmed her.

"Since you're here, do we start our session now?" she only asked, because she really didn't want to move from her bed, but she knew that it wasn't allowed to have therapy sessions in your room.

"It's up to you; if you feel like it. And we can do it here if you don't want to move."

"Is that allowed?"

It wasn't, but Damon didn't really care. "It is now."

"Well, I'm ready when you are. I'll wait until you get your notepad out of your man purse."

Damon looked at her, and noticed the small smile plastered on her face, as she made a joke. It was actually refreshing to see, even though the joke was on him. "This is not a man purse; it's a state of the art, one of a kind, leather briefcase knapsack."

Laughter escaped Bonnie's lips, "Yes and in your case, a man purse."

Her laughter caused him to halt for a mere moment as he retrieved his note pad and pen from his 'man purse'. This was the first time he heard her laugh and it literally opened up a new meaning to the word beautiful. In that slight moment, it was almost as if she didn't have any troubles.

He wanted to make her laugh again.

But he had to show some type of professionalism today. "What would you like to discuss today. Do you want to begin where you left off yesterday?"

In that instant it was as if they didn't share a comical carefree moment at all, as a solemn expression appeared on her face. "Not much more to say. I went back to my professor because he finally started talking to me again. I let him fuck me…we snorted a couple times and I missed my test the next day. I wasn't able to make it up." When she realized she was having another mood swing, she quickly apologized.

"There is no need to apologize, Bonnie. When we have these sessions, I'm here to help you… to listen to you. I don't care if one minute you're expressing joy and the next you're pissed at the world. I did it so many times that they actually had to run test to make sure I wasn't bipolar…. which I'm not."

She took a deep breath, "I just get angry with myself more than anything. He wasn't really interested me, and yet I begged and kept going back because he gave me the time of day. Even if it was only on his terms; I felt wanted and feeling wanted by a man even if he was cruel to you, was what I accepted. It's what I felt I needed."

* * *

_**Past**_

"Bonnie you have to breathe and stop crying." Matt told his best friend, after revealing what she had done.

"I'm such an idiot!" She yelled between sobs. "I've never missed a test in my life!"

"Bonnie I'm sure you'll be able to make it up."

"No I won't Matt. I tried talking to the professor and she said _no_. How could I be so stupid?" It wasn't just the fact that she missed her first test of her second semester, but she also slept with Shane again and did drugs. "What the fuck is wrong with me, Matt! What am I doing?"

"Not calming down," He said, nonchalantly, and that annoyed her.

"Ugh!" she screamed, "And you don't even care! I'm out of here…"

Before she could walk out of his room, his voice stopped her, "Bons sit down. I do care, but I don't really see the big deal. You're smart; missing one test isn't going to ruin your life. I missed two last semester and failed more than that and I still passed."

She glared at him. "Is this you trying to help me?"

"What I'm saying is, you'll be fine. And sleeping with Shane again after you were crying for a week about him, I don't really get that, but if he makes you happy and you feel good with him, I don't see why not. Plus, I slept with Haley again last night, so hey, we're even."

"Why are you so calm about this?" Because it was really irritating her.

That's when Matt opened his drawer beside his bed and pulled out a small baggy with white powder in it.

"I've realized that if you're stressed, this helps." He wiggled the bag in front of her.

She rolled her eyes, "That's what got me here in the first place."

Matt shrugged. "Well, you can either feel how you're feeling now, or get like me and not care about the small shit." He then handed her the small bag and lied back on his bed.

He was feeling great and it's not that he was trying to not show consideration towards Bonnie, it was just that he couldn't find anything wrong with what she was saying. Maybe he should have, but his mood was on cloud nine.

Bonnie didn't plan on coming to Matt's dorm to sniff away her troubles, but hell, her emotions were on an overdrive and she just didn't want that feeling of being a failure clouding her mind. So, before she knew it, she was now joining him on his bed letting the effects of the drug take its course. She was just conflicted with everything right now. She was fighting with herself and she didn't know which part of her was winning. Was this reality, or was everything she was doing right now a figment of her imagination and she was still in Mystic Falls High, passing all of her classes and writing her Valedictorian speech?

But it wasn't. _This _was her reality. Holding hands with her best friend while she got high, sleeping with her professor twice, and missing her test. Could she really continue staying on this path?

Several minutes after considering her options she just stopped caring…. stopped thinking. Missing her test didn't matter anymore, sleeping with her professor didn't make her feel guilty, and doing drugs made her feel lifted.

* * *

_**1 month later…**_

It was Saturday afternoon. Bonnie use to value her Saturday's because it would be the first day after a long week full of classes that she would sleep in. But her Saturday's haven't been important to her for a couple of weeks now, due to the fact that she hadn't been attending class. Well, some of her classes. She was always bright and early for Shane's class, and to her, that was the most important. She wanted to make sure he knew that she valued his teaching skills and that she was always ahead of her game.

Professor Shane was an incredible teacher, in class and out. She could listen to him instruct forever. And when they were alone at his place, he taught her things she'd only witnessed in a porno or two that Matt made her watch when they were younger. He made her body do things that she didn't even think possible, putting a whole new definition to the word, flexibility.

And she loved it.

Well, the majority of the time. Sometimes when she just wanted to talk about her day or how she was feeling, she never got more than a sentence in before he was pushing aside her underwear and teasing her clitoris with his tongue or thrusting into her with his pulsating member. And then afterwards they would do a line and maybe throw down a few drinks before he sent her on her way. Sometimes she hated that. He only let her stay the night on his terms and that was probably two days out of the seven day week. But, she wasn't going to complain, the fact that he was interested and told her everyday how happy she made him, made her accept it all and follow his lead.

As she was going through her closet to see what to wear to a fraternity party she was going to with Elena, Caroline, Matt, and Tyler, she couldn't help but smile at all her new clothes she had, even if many of them were a bit risqué and revealing. Shane wanted her to look sexy and feel confident so he gave her some money to buy a new wardrobe to his approval. And she wanted to look nice for him. It got to the point that she would do anything for him.

And she meant anything.

Like a couple days ago when she went down on him after class. He cancelled his second class that day, locked the door, turned out the lights, and Bonnie found herself on her knees under his desk sucking him off. It was exciting…. that thrill of maybe getting caught. And she was happy when she made him release, and she knew he was happy when she swallowed every last drip. So, yes, she would do anything to make him happy.

When she found the perfect black dress that stopped mid-thigh and gave her no room to bend over, she pulled it out and laid it on her bed.

She then went to her night stand and pulled out the flask Haley gave her the other night. It was filled with peach Ciroc, and she found herself letting the liquid slide down her throat.

As soon as she did, a knock at her door interrupted her, and before she could say anything or hide her flask, Stefan walked in.

"Hey, Bonnie, Elena wanted to know…." He stopped mid- sentence upon seeing Bonnie putting down an alcohol flask. "A little early don't you think?" His tone wasn't accusing, it actually held a bit of concern behind it.

"I wasn't…." She paused for a moment, trying to think of what to say, "I wasn't drinking just yet. It's for tonight. A little pre-gaming." She smiled.

"Bonnie is everything alright, I haven't seen you in a while." He leaned against the door frame, taking in her appearance. Usually when he saw Bonnie, she had a certain glow to her skin, and he didn't know when he started realizing, but it was no longer there.

Bonnie smirked, "Well you don't live here, so you really wouldn't see me, now would you?"

Stefan slightly nodded, "I meant in class. Remember, we have applied calculus together, and I haven't seen you in the past three classes."

"What are you my professor now? Stefan we get to miss like five classes before we get dropped. It's alright." She then crossed her legs. "And what did Elena want? That's why you came in here right?"

"I was walking her to her internship and she wanted to know if you wanted to meet up later to get something to eat?"

"She couldn't text me?"

"She left her phone at my place, and I wanted to come by and check on you."

"How nice of you… but I'm alright. And I have plans in a few with Haley and Matt, so I may not be able to join you guys before the party."

Before Stefan could respond, another female voice filled his ears, "Did someone say my name?"

Stefan turned around to see Haley and Matt.

"The door was unlocked, so we decided to just walk in." Haley said, plopping down on Bonnie's bed. "Hey Stefan," She winked. "Ready for that test in Bio on Monday?"

"Yes," he answered. "You?"

"I'm ready for a lot of things." The sexual innuendo was not missed by either of them.

Bonnie then stood up and walked Stefan to the door, "Thanks for checking in on me, Stefan. I'm great. I'll see you tonight." And she shut the door and locked it.

Going back into her room, she witnessed Haley and Matt making out on her bed, "Okay, none of that in here."

Haley chuckled, "When you're ready to join us again Bonnie, just say the word."

"Not gonna happen." A week ago they were all at a house party completely high and intoxicated, to where they felt as if they were on a different planet. And before she knew it she was making out with Matt and Haley. It was a crazy experience, but it was college, so why not? And she knew she would never do it again. Especially when she told Shane about it, upon arriving at his place that night, he got extremely pissed , so she vowed never to do it again.

"What was Stefan doing here by the way?" Matt asked, taking the flask off of Bonnie's dresser and drinking from it.

"Playing Elena's messenger boy." Bonnie shrugged and then looked at Haley, "So, did you bring it?"

"Of course," The devious smile they were all accustomed to was plastered to her face, as she pulled out a small box from her purse.

When she opened it, they all stared at the three syringes and a small vile.

_Heroin._

"Guys you are about to feel something you never thought possible."

Bonnie was a little apprehensive about trying heroin, but she knew for a fact that it would only be one time. She saw the before and after pictures on the internet and it disgusted her. And she didn't want to turn out like that. She may have not thought herself to be drop dead gorgeous, but she wasn't unattractive.

While she was lost in thought, she hadn't even realize Matt shooting up, but when the needle escaped his skin, she saw the dazed look in his eye.

"Damn," he breathed. It traveled through his bloodstream fast, making him feel light and enraptured. "Bonnie you have got to try this."

Haley pulled out the other syringe, tied a band tightly around Bonnie's arm, and injected the needle into the crease of her arm. Bonnie watched as the fluid drained from the syringe, and she took a deep breath when Haley took it out.

Before she knew it, a euphoric feeling engulfed her. It was amazing. She laid back on Matt's chest, and she could feel Haley laying across their legs. It was like a weightless feeling of inner peace absorbing her. It was like having several orgasms in one.

She couldn't help but let out a soft moan. It was like she was floating. It was more than the feeling of cocaine and weed… even alcohol. She wondered if this is what the people in true blood felt like when they took V. She giggled at the mere thought of it.

A knock on her door pulled her out of her thoughts. When she sat up, she hadn't realized how dark it had gotten outside. She glanced at her clock and it was 8pm.

_Okay, that's weird because it was just 1:30,_ she thought.

She got up out of bed and cracked open her door.

"Bonnie, have you been here the whole time?" Caroline's voice rose, making Bonnie squint her eyes.

"Please keep it down."

"Are you hangover?"

Bonnie would have rolled her eyes but she didn't want to seem rude, "I just wasn't feeling really good earlier, so I took a nap and lost track of time." She lied. Actually she was feeling great…well, until it was interrupted.

"Bons, is everything okay?"

If one more person asked her that, she would probably scream. Of course she was okay. Who wouldn't be with her life?

"I'm great, Care," She swayed a little, and found herself leaning against her door frame to keep herself up.

"Stefan told us about what happened earlier. He said you were drinking?" Her eyes held concern, and that irritated Bonnie.

"Well, Stefan needs to get his facts straight before he runs off and tells everyone. I wasn't drinking. Haley gave me a flask full of liquor and I was going to use it to pre-game for tonight." Bonnie didn't miss Caroline's eye roll once mentioning Haley. She didn't really care for her or the fact that she was hanging out with her.

Caroline wanted to question more, but decided not to, "Well, Elena, Stefan, Tyler and I were going to go ahead and head to the frat house to pre-game a little. Did you want us to wait for you?"

"No, you guys go ahead; I still need to shower and get dressed. I'll just wait for Matt and Haley."

Caroline nodded, "Okay, well, be careful and you know if you ever need to talk, I'm here right?"

"Of course."

Then Bonnie closed her door, and turned on her light. Matt and Haley were still lying down, looking at peace.

"Guys, get up. We've been sleep or whatever all day. It's time to go shake some ass."

Haley laughed, "I like this side of you, Bons. But I think Professor Shane will get jealous."

"What Shane don't know won't hurt him." She winked, "Now Haley you can wear whatever you want from my closet. And Matt you already have a drawer over here."

* * *

They got to the frat house about an hour later, and Bonnie had to admit, she looked sexy and felt that way too. Upon walking in, they all had to take a shot.

"Woah, Bonnie is that you?"

She turned her attention towards Tyler who walked up to them. "You are correct, Ty. Where are my girls?" She asked, referring to Elena and Caroline.

"Over in the kitchen, taking shots."

Bonnie left Matt, Tyler, and Haley to find her other two best friends.

When Bonnie walked off, Haley noticed April dancing in the crowd. She kissed Matt's cheek and whispered, "Join me later."

"Of course." He agreed, watching her ass as she walked off.

Tyler whistled, "I have to give it to you man, she is hot."

Bonnie found Caroline and Elena in the kitchen taking shots with some random people and Stefan drinking a beer.

"Bonnie you made it!" Caroline yelled over the loud music.

"Take a shot, Bons!" Elena yelled, swaying energetically to the music.

Bonnie couldn't resist. She was already drunk and still feeling the effects of the H, but she took a shot anyways.

She ignored Stefan as she stood by her friends.

"Bonnie you look fucking hot tonight." Caroline grinned. "Picture time! Stefan take our picture." Caroline was always a little commanding when she got drunk.

After Stefan took a picture of all three of them, they went to go dance. Bonnie had to admit, she was having a lot of fun with her friends. She definitely regretted all those times she never went out with them before.

Later into the night, Bonnie snuck away from her intoxicated friends, and found herself upstairs in a room with Matt, Haley, April, and a couple of frat guys.

April and Matt were smoking a blunt while the frat guys and Haley were inhaling cocaine. After Bonnie did a small line, one of the Frat guys pulled her on his lap.

"You remember me, Bonnie?" He winked.

"Of course I do, Ben McKendrick. You graduated a year before me." She giggled.

"Who knew the book worm Bonnie Bennett could be this outgoing."

"I am full of surprises." She was definitely a little surprised when her words came out seductively.

As Ben began kissing down her neck the door open and in walked Shane and Connor. Shane's eyes caught hers, and she instantly moved from Ben and went to sit over beside Matt, who was too busy gazing into the air to notice anything.

She could tell Shane was trying not to look at her, but when he did he was glaring. Bonnie really hoped she hadn't pissed him off.

* * *

Everything else that night was a blur, Bonnie didn't even remember sneaking off and going back to Shane's, but she did remember when they walked inside and his fist connected with her face.

It caused her to scream and fall to the ground.

He got on top of her, and held her up.

"Please, I'm sorry… Please don't hurt me." She cried. She hadn't been this scared since…

"What the fuck were you doing, Bonnie! What, you get some new clothes that I fucking spent my hard earned money on and you let some immature frat boy fill you up."

His grip was hard on her, and she knew it was leaving bruises, like the one she was sure she had on her face now.

"I'm sorry."

"You let him touch what's mine!"

Bonnie closed her eyes, afraid that he would hit her again, but when it didn't come, she slowly opened them again. When she saw a few tears in his eyes, her heart instantly jumped in her chest. She had caused him pain, so she deserved anything he did to her.

When his hand gently caressed her cheek where he just hit her, she flinched a little, "Baby, I'm sorry. I just… I want you to be careful. A lot of these guys here, especially the frat boys at this campus will do anything to take advantage of you and I just want you to be safe."

"I'm sorry," She sniffled, as the tears slowly began to cease.

"No, I'm sorry; I should have never hit you. I just got angry at the thought of you getting hurt. I promise I will never do it again." He said, placing a light kiss upon her cheek. "Say you forgive me, baby. Say you're not scared of me."

It took her a moment, but she finally said, "I forgive you and I'm not afraid."

"I love you, Bonnie."

Bonnie's breath caught in her throat and tears began to escape her eyes again. He loved her? He really loved her? She couldn't help but let a small smile plaster to her face.

"I love you too."

And when he kissed her, there were no more words said that night.

* * *

_**Present**_

Damon didn't know how he was able to hold down his rage at Bonnie's story. He wanted to find that professor and beat the living shit out of him to where he would beg for death. And honestly, Damon wouldn't mind giving him that wish.

After a moment of just staring at her, deciphering everything, he regained his composure. "Do you think your feelings of being wanted by him were because of your father?"

His question caught her off guard, and she almost forgot she briefly told him about her ass of a dad. "I don't want to talk about my father."

Damon would have let the subject go, but he felt that it was important for her to come to an understanding. "Maybe you should. You think your father didn't love you, so you assume no one else will, is that it?"

A single tear escaped her eye, and she quickly wiped it away. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about. I said I didn't want to talk about him." Her emotions were a mix of anger and sadness and she didn't care. Damon was pushing her buttons and he was doing it on purpose.

"I get it Bonnie, I do, but I think this is the right moment to do so. I told you I was going to help you. So let me do that."

"My father was an abusive drunk!" She yelled. "Is that what you want to hear? So I don't_ think_ he didn't love me, I _know_ he didn't." If it weren't for her Grams she would have probably been dead. When her mom left her dad and ran away with another man, he just lost his mind and buried himself in his work and alcohol. The alcohol seemed to surpass the work, so he lost his job. And the nights when he found himself being home, he took it out on Bonnie. If Bonnie was in her right mind she would have told her Grams as soon as it happened, but between her trying to push it out of her mind by either staying with her friends or wrapping herself into her work and her Grams being away at the college, she didn't want to cause any extra stress. When her Grams did find out a year later, she moved Bonnie in with her and instead of calling the police, told her son-in law to get his act together and never come near Bonnie again.

And yet Bonnie didn't let that shape who she was trying to be. She put it to the back of her mind and kept striving towards her goals. But maybe while doing so, it left a psychological absence of feeling unwanted by the one person who was supposed to truly love and care for her.

Damon stayed silent, just listening as she revealed what was needed.

"My mom already abandoned us, so he was supposed to be there…. to care about me. It wasn't just my Grams responsibility." She didn't even realize she started crying. "Imagine going to a father daughter dance without your father? And coming from the town I came from, everyone knew your business… everyone talked. And they pitied me and I _hated_ that. So, I ignored it. Mind you, they only knew that he was drunk, but I didn't want anyone's pity. I didn't want them to feel sorry for me."

Damon didn't even realize when he stopped writing and grabbed onto her hand, trying to provide as much ease as he could give.

"He was supposed to love me. I mean that's what father's do right? They love their daughters?" The tears slowed down as she tried calming down and getting herself together. "When you're not enough for your own father… your own flesh and blood…. who can you be enough for?" And that's when it hit her like a ton of bricks. Is that why she stayed with Shane? Because she was trying to fill the void of not being wanted by her parents? But that couldn't be it because her Grams wanted her…. her friends wanted her. That should have been enough.

_Me_, the thought came out of Damon's head before he could even think of controlling it. And he found himself mentally cursing himself out. Focusing back on the task at hand he said, "Sometimes it's not enough Bonnie. A parent's love is different from that of your friends and even your grandmother. Your mom left so you wanted that security from your dad and for him to abandon you… hurt you, made you feel like you were unimportant and not worth it. It could cause anyone to find content in something else. That professor guy…." He paused for a second, trying not to let his anger show, "Showed interest in you when you needed it. And it felt good to be wanted. He gave you a level of security. And in your mind, you accepted that it was okay to let him string you along; to let him hurt you. Somewhere you felt it was alright to be treated the way he treated you. You felt that it was how you were supposed to be treated… that it was normal."

Even though she looked down and began to cry again, he still continued, "And Bonnie, I'm here to tell you that's not it. You are worth more than you realize. And you need to understand that. Because living your life thinking that you're not good enough is not living at all."

"And Bonnie, it's okay to hate your dad. It's okay, because I know that's how you feel right now. But one day when you're ready, you're going to have to forgive him… you're going to have to forgive everyone that's hurt you… when you're ready…"

As he said those words, she cried. She couldn't do anything but cry. Revealing all that she did today took a lot out of her. Forgiveness. A word that everyone needs…. Everyone craves during traumatic times, but right now she couldn't forgive her dad or Shane or anyone that hurt her.

Because she couldn't forgive herself.

* * *

Rebekah sat outside letting her feet tread the water, as she sat on the edge of the pool. After her one-one session with Pearl, she wanted to come outside to clear her head. She loved being outside. Even though she couldn't leave the rehabilitation center into the outside world, this specific facility made it as bearable as possible.

She met with Pearl four days out of the week, and every time since she got better they would just sit and talk. She actually felt like they had become friends. But today, today she revealed what she did to Bonnie last night about her brother's deaths. It was like a big weight was lifted off her shoulders and she knew that was the reason why she was still here. She hadn't been ready to come to terms with it all. Kol and Finn were her brothers… they were a part of her, and she felt like she caused their death. And though she tried to block it out, it didn't work and everyday it destroyed her.

"Mind if I join you."

Rebekah didn't have to look up to know it was Marcel. She would know his voice anywhere.

"It's a free country." The hostility in her voice was not missed.

"Are you ever going to forgive me, Bex?" He never liked when Rebekah was mad at him, even when they were kids.

She finally looked at him, "There's no need," She spoke softly, "You didn't do anything wrong. I came to terms with a lot last night and today. And I have you to thank for that."

He grabbed her hand in his like he always did.

"I couldn't accept Kol and Finn's death. I didn't want to talk about it; I didn't want anyone to bring it up. I couldn't look Elijah and Nik in the face, and I felt like they would always hate me…"

"And you know that's not true."

She nodded. "They're coming tomorrow… for a group session."

"Do you want me to be in there with you?"

"I would love nothing more, but this has just be us."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as she leaned into him, "I love you, Rebekah. You were always my favorite Mikaelson."

"And that better never change." She smiled.

"It won't."

They stayed that way for a moment, just looking at the water before them. And then Marcel broke the silence, "By the way, why is Damon here? I thought he stopped the whole psychology thing to focus purely on Salvatore Industries."

"Your guess is as good as mine. He said they needed a new therapist, but I think he's lying."

"Before I came out here, I saw him going into Bonnie's room. When did therapist hold sessions in their patient's room?"

Rebekah thought for a moment, "That is a good question."

* * *

Damon didn't remember the last time he had been filled with so much emotion that he felt his head would bust. His session with Bonnie had been completely unethical, and even though he felt as if he was helping her, it was still wrong. He even waited until she fell asleep to gather his things to leave. She probably didn't even realize when she fell asleep, but after revealing and reliving all of her memories, he knew that she was overwhelmed and worn out.

When she did fall asleep, he watched her for a moment. She looked peaceful… content. And soon he hoped that she would look that way when she was awake.

As he opened the door to leave her room, he came face to face with Rebekah Mikaelson.

"She fell asleep." Were the first words out of Damon's mouth.

"When did therapist start holding sessions in their patient's bedroom?" Rebekah didn't waste any time asking.

"Since I got here." He lied, and walked passed her knowing that she would start following him.

"Damon be truthful, what are you really doing here?"

"I thought we already went over that."

"And I told you, I know you're lying."

They were in one of the sessional rooms before they realized it. Damon closed the door behind them and locked it.

Rebekah didn't even bother to sit down, as she crossed her arms, "Why is Bonnie the only one you're counseling?"

Damon now remembered why sometime he wanted to strangle the baby Mikaelson. She was just like her brothers; asking so many questions that weren't needed at the moment.

At his silence, Rebekah gained a shocked expression on her face, "You have a crush on her, don't you?"

He also wanted to strangle her, because she was good at figuring him out. And that was because they all grew up together.

"I don't do crushes Rebekah and you know that."

"But…"

"Bexs," He cut her off, before she could finish her sentence, "Just trust me when I say that I'm helping Bonnie. I'm good at what I do and you know that. Don't ask me anymore questions, because I'm not going to answer them."

If Rebekah didn't trust Damon, she would have continued to pry, but she did trust him. And though his story didn't pan out, she would leave it alone.

Plus, she had to prepare for tomorrow. Seeing her brothers after ten months was going to be very challenging for her, and she just hoped that she could get through it.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! The scene where Bonnie and Damon are talking and he says: "You're father didn't love you, so you assume no one else will." I used that line from TVD when Caroline said that to Klaus.**

**Thank you all so much for reading and I hope to have a new chapter out soon! Thanks again & Please review! Xoxo.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: My deepest apologies for not updating last week. I really planned too, and even had part of the chapter finished early last week, but crazy work schedules, meetings, etc never gave me any time. Lol. Thank you all so much for the reviews, the follows, the favorites! Your support for this story is beautiful! xoxo**

* * *

A deep breath didn't seem to help as Rebekah Mikaelson tried to prepare and calm herself for her upcoming session. Was breathing even possible at this point?

"Maybe this isn't a good idea after all." She stated to her new found friend. She was grateful that Bonnie walked with her to her session, and she was grateful that she tried to calm her down.

"Bekah, it's going to be okay." Bonnie grabbed her hands, and when their eyes connected she continued, "I know you're scared. I understand that, but you know better than anyone that this is needed. Just remember they love you so much and they are probably just as nervous as you are."

Rebekah didn't know what else to do but hug her. "Thank you, Bons."

"No problem. And I'll be here if you need to talk afterwards."

Rebekah smiled one more time at Bonnie before she went inside to face the two people that she loved the most.

When she stepped inside, tears instantly sprang to her eyes upon seeing her two brothers. It was like a breath of fresh air that she hadn't received in close to a year; a level of comfort that she didn't know that she was missing.

Elijah still looked the same, wearing one of his many suits that described his debonair persona. He still radiated tranquility when anyone walked into a room. She noticed that Niklaus cut his hair and couldn't help but think that it looked really good on him. He even still exuded that ounce of stubborn power when anyone walked into a room. Rebekah only knew that because she used to hold it as well. Out of all of her brothers, she and Klaus were almost one in the same.

"Now this session isn't about judgment," Pearl spoke, pulling Rebekah out of her thoughts, "You all haven't seen each other in a while. So, this is about Rebekah being able to express what she's feeling. How this place has helped her." She smiled softly at Rebekah, assuring her that she would be here if she needed comfort throughout this session.

Rebekah took a deep breath and stared into her brother's eyes.

"I know you both hate me right now and you have every right too, I betrayed your trust." Her voice choked on a sob. "It was wrong and stupid of me. I wanted to tell you a million times of how truly sorry I am." She found herself looking down for a moment, and then back up into their eyes. She didn't know if she was imagining it, but Niklaus looked as if he had a few tears in his eyes. "People make mistakes. So, I'm begging you if you could just listen with your heart when I tell you that, I know you can't forgive me right now, and I don't expect… I don't want you too, because I don't deserve your forgiveness…."

She couldn't help but pause when the tears escaped her eyes; she couldn't hold it in any longer. Rebekah wanted to hug her brothers; wanted them to hold onto her until she stopped crying, but she wasn't that brave. She knew that they didn't really want to be here.

While she continued to cry, she didn't know when her hands covered her face, until someone was pulling them gently away. Her eyes connected with Elijah's as he knelt in front of her.

Tears were held behind his eyes as well, as he softly gripped onto her hands. "If forgiveness is what you want Rebekah, then you have it from me, but I don't blame you for anything that happened. You were spiraling down a road that we should have paid more attention too. We were so wrapped up in our lives that we became unaware…..what I'm saying is that I love you Rebekah, you are my sister… my family. I'm glad you're okay… that you are here with us." He then kissed her forehead, and brought her into a hug.

Rebekah fell into his embrace as she cried. It was more than just comforting, it was warm, compassionate; it was family.

"I would like a moment alone with Rebekah." Klaus's voice brought everyone's attention to him.

"We are not allowed to do that," Pearl announced to Klaus' request.

"Pearl…. Please." Klaus rarely said please… actually he never said please. He wasn't the type to beg or show much compassion to anyone other than his family; and even that was pushing it.

Even Pearl was caught off guard by Klaus's request. It took her a moment, but she finally agreed. But she and Elijah would be on the other side of the door. It Pearl hadn't been as close as she was with the Mikaelson's, she would have denied his request.

Elijah gave Klaus a questioning look, but followed Pearl out of the room.

When the door closed, Rebekah tried to avert her attention to anywhere but her brother's eyes, but when he started to speak, she couldn't.

"Do you remember when we were younger, and father use to come down hard on me?"

Rebekah nodded.

"You seem to come out of nowhere and try to put a stop to it; even though you were just a mere child. You have always been there for me Rebekah, and I…" His breath caught in his throat. Showing this type of emotion was uncommon for him.

And Rebekah knew that, "You have always been there for me too, Nik. Growing up, you were my protector." It was the truth. Yes, she was surrounded by nothing but guys growing up, who were over protective. But Nik was more than just her protector… he was her partner in crime. They were almost one in the same.

"I didn't protect you when everything started… I didn't protect you that night. Instead, I cast you aside, told you things that weren't true. And when you almost died….. when we couldn't come here to see you…." He walked up to her, and grabbed her hands, causing her to stand up, "And for that I am sorry. You have always been there for me, and when you needed me the most I let my anger subside my care for you. I love you Rebekah. I always will. You are my sister… practically my other half." And he knew that. Out of all of his siblings, Rebekah was the one that was most like him. And ever since that night when he told her that she was nothing, he regretted it ever since. If he would have just stayed with her and took her back home instead of calling Kol and Finn, they may still be alive. So yes, every day, he blamed himself.

"I love you too, Nik." She cried into his arms.

She didn't know when her tears eased up a bit, but when she moved from his arms, she held onto his hand, and spoke a saying they hadn't used since they were children, "We stick together as one…."

"Always and forever." Elijah finished her sentence, as he walked back into the room, and held onto both of his sibling's hands.

They first came up with that saying, years ago, with Kol and Finn, when their mother died and their father left. They vowed that day that they would protect and look out for one another. And even though unexpected horrible circumstances occurred, they still had to hold onto it.

* * *

It would rain today.

The sun was deep behind the cloud's depths, as no ounce of the sun's rays enveloped the earth. The wind had picked up a little, leaving Bonnie enclosed in a cool breeze. She may have had on a sweater, but she could still feel it tickle her skin. It was actually rather soothing…. being outside and getting some fresh air. She didn't do it often, but when she did, it calmed some of her tensions.

Although right now, it wasn't the outside chill in the air that brought her a bit of solace; it was the memory of last night in her session with Damon. She was able to open up to him in a way she never had before. It was both daunting and uplifting to acquire that level of vulnerability. And the fact that he held nothing but kindness and concern behind his eyes made her feel an unexplainable emotion course through her body.

But as she tried to hide that emotion deep within herself, Rebekah's voice kept entering her mind as she thought about the conversation they had earlier.

_"I think he has a crush on you." Rebekah grinned, as Bonnie helped her get ready for her session with her brothers._

_ "I'm not even going to entertain your crazy accusation." Bonnie said, brushing through her friend's hair._

_ "It's not crazy. Just think about it, he counseled you in your room last night, which is completely unprofessional and you are his only patient. So, I think he is quite smitten with you."_

_ Bonnie wouldn't believe that… she couldn't believe it. For one, Damon was her therapist and two, well, he was incredibly good-looking and established, while she was a dried up recovering addict._

_ "Bexs, I'm sure that's not the case. If anything, he feels sorry for me; he's probably taking pity. More than likely he thinks I'm a bipolar emotional crazy person." _

_ Rebekah turned around and looked at her. "Well for starters, Damon feels sorry for no one. He doesn't take pity on anyone and you have to remember, he's also been in your shoes." As soon as those words left her mouth, she could have bit her tongue._

_ And the look on Bonnie's face told her that she caught on to what she had just revealed._

_ "Wait, how did you know all of that?" _

_ Rebekah thought about making something up. She had no idea why Damon was here and only counseling Bonnie. But Bonnie had become one of her best friends, so she wasn't going to lie to her._

_ Before she answered, she took a deep breath, "I grew up with Damon." She noticed Bonnie's eyes widen a little. "My brothers, Damon and his brother, and Marcel… we all grew up together. And this was my first time seeing Damon in a long while. And I would have told you, but with everything going on, I didn't really think….."_

_ Bonnie let Rebekah's words process through her mind. It was definitely a small world. "It must have been crazy growing up with all guys."_

_ She chuckled, "Actually… it was unbearable. It was as if I was in protective services. Damon, Marcel, and my brother Nik were the worse. Annoying and controlling. But I love them… more than anything."_

After all that being said, Rebekah continued on about how he could possibly have a crush on her, and of course Bonnie was still quick to deny it.

"Is this seat taken?"

Bonnie was cut out of her thoughts at Marcel's question. "Does it look taken?" Damn it, she thought. She didn't mean to sound offensive. Her emotions were still on edge and sometimes she didn't even know when she was going to unexpectedly get irritated and act like a world class bitch.

"I'm sorry that was rude of me," she apologized, "Please… sit."

When he sat down beside her, his jaw dropping smile formed on his lips, "Don't apologize. Trust me, I've been there. I remember during my time here, someone gave me a compliment and I found myself cussing them out. So, I understand."

She turned to look at him, and a small blush instantly crept to her cheeks at his immaculate face. She was certain that reactions like hers happened to almost every female he came in contact with. "If you don't mind me asking, how long did you find yourself doing that? One minute it's like I'm okay and then out of nowhere I'm just irritated…pissed off at the world."

"It was probably my last month here, and I was in rehab for almost six months. I probably would have been out sooner if I actually went to the therapy sessions."

Bonnie nodded and focused her attention back on the water in the pool.

"I think it's really nice of you to come in and help Rebekah." She stated, her eyes never leaving the water. "She doesn't belong here anymore."

Marcel lied back in the lounge chair he was occupying, and stared out at the water as well, "I'd do anything for her. She's my family. And when everything happened with her… it was just… seeing her spiral down and not being able to do anything about it was…"

"Hard."

He nodded, "Painful."

They continued looking at the unoccupied pool, as their thoughts and memories invaded their mind.

* * *

_**Past**_

Time flies by when you're having fun.

Bonnie knew and understood that more than anyone. So much had happened in the last couple of months, and she was so fueled on the path she was on and the decisions she had made that were so corrupt to the world, but satisfying to her.

Her actions made her feel content…. happy. Or at least that's what she believed to be happiness and contentment. Like the fact that she found herself drinking almost twice a day, every day, and doing a line of coke as well. Or the fact that she lost her scholarship and dropped out of school, alienated herself from all of her friends but Matt, and lied to her grandmother.

After the incident where Shane had 'accidently' hit her, she found herself missing classes more often and missing tests and midterms. So, she just decided that school wasn't for her anymore and dropped out. And that's where lying to her grandmother came in. When she called to check in on her from time to time, Bonnie left out the fact that she was no longer in school, and pretty much informed her Grams that she was passing all of her classes. She hated lying to her, but she didn't want her to worry and she knew her Grams would never understand. She would probably stress about how Bonnie was making a mistake and probably try to come and change her mind on her current decisions.

And she didn't want that; because to Bonnie, she wasn't making any horrible decisions.

As Bonnie lied back in bed and let the H seep through her skin, she remembered the day she moved out of the dorms.

"_Bonnie look at me, this isn't you?" Caroline frantically said, as Bonnie started throwing her belongings into suitcases._

"_Caroline, will you back off!" Bonnie practically yelled. She was both irritated and annoyed with her so called friends. All she wanted to do was finish packing and get back to Shane's house before it got late. He let her borrow his car for the day and if she didn't have it back in the next two hours, she knew he would get mad. And she hated when she made him angry._

"_No, Bonnie, I'm not going to back off. What you're doing is wrong." _

_Bonnie rolled her eyes, and took a large gulp from the tequila bottle she had sitting on her bed. _

"_Bons, please…" Elena pleaded. The tears were forming in her eyes, and to be honest Bonnie wanted to laugh._

"_Are you kidding me right now? I mean come on, Caroline you were the one who wanted me to let loose this semester. Have fun Bons! We have to party Bonnie, don't be too much into your studies." She sarcastically tried her best imitation of Caroline. "Well I did that and now you all want me to stop! I mean what the fuck do you all want from me?!"_

"_Bonnie we're your friends; we just want to help you." Stefan chimed in, concern hidden behind his features._

"_Here we go again," Bonnie spat out, "Stefan Salvatore trying to come to the rescue. Why are you even here? You are the last person I would ever listen too."_

"_Well then listen to me Bonnie," Caroline spoke up again, "You're my best friend…my sister. We all care about you. With everything you're doing you could kill yourself. Please just… we can help you."_

"_I don't need your help, Caroline. What do you not understand? This has been the happiest I have been my whole entire life, and the fact that my so called friends are trying to take that away from me, really puts everything in perspective. Shane was right about all of you." She closed the last suitcase, and put her tequila bottle in her purse._

"_Bonnie do you hear yourself right now?" Elena asked, hurt by her friend's words. "Shane is not a good guy. He's your professor for crying out loud."_

"_He's not my professor anymore. And you're just jealous that I have finally found someone. You all wanted me to be your sidekick, your prude dimwitted friend. And I have finally found someone that makes me feel on cloud nine. And you guys hate that. Well you know what, I love him and I'm going to stay with him. So you all can kick rocks with opened toe shoes."_

_With that being said, Bonnie grabbed her belongings and walked towards the front door._

"_Bonnie, please don't go… please let us help you….." The tears were now in Caroline's eyes._

"_Until you can accept Shane and accept that this is who I am now, stay away from me. And stay away from Matt too." _

Bonnie's eyes fluttered open from the memory. She remembered being so pissed off that day at all of them, never wanting to talk to them again, and yet a week later from that day, she found herself calling them informing them that she was going to go get help and stay with her Grams for the summer or until she got better. Luckily, they believed that lie.

As of right now, she was staying with Shane…. well, only when he wanted her there. She was actually surprised that he let her stay the whole week with him. Usually, she would find herself crashing at Matt's on the days Shane didn't want her at his house. It bothered her when he would get in his moods and suggest she find another place to sleep, especially on those days they would have mind blowing sex. He would fuck her until she felt she couldn't walk, and then on a random day he would tell her to find another place to sleep. It had become such a routine that she just got used to it.

She was just glad that Matt had his own place now, so she wouldn't be out on the streets. She remembered the day, about a month ago, when he showed her the bag full of money he acquired for selling drugs. And now he was able to afford an apartment, because he too had dropped out of school.

Mac Miller's 'Someone like you' seeped through her ears, bringing her out of her thoughts. She almost forgot that she was at Shane's lying in his comfortable king sized bed. Her body felt heavy yet weightless, warm yet chilled. She liked that feeling… it consumed her…made her feel as if she were floating in space; fighting for air yet holding her breath to escape reality. She didn't know if it was from the Ecstasy she took last night, compliments of April, or the H that filled her blood stream earlier. If everyone in the world could feel how she felt, there wouldn't be such a thing called stress, anger, disdain. They would just be… existing… floating… at peace.

"You're up." Bonnie's attention averted to Shane's voice who was sitting in a chair across from Connor, rolling a bunt. She quickly pulled the blanket that she was under closer to her neck, hoping that Conner didn't see any part of her birthday suit.

But wait, why was Connor here? She had no idea what time…. hell even what day it was, but when they slept together and she was fortunate to spend the night, he never had anyone over.

"W-what time is it?" She had no idea where the headache came from all of sudden, but the feeling that engulfed her wasn't satisfying.

"Around midnight." Shane answered, passing the blunt to Connor. He then walked up to Bonnie and knelt on the bed in front of her. His lips captured hers in a searing kiss, leaving her a bit breathless. "How was your sleep?"

Her lips formed into a smile when he kissed her shoulder, "It was amazing." It made Bonnie's heart swell with elation when Shane would act this way. Yes, he had his bad moments, but when he had his good moments with her, it was magical.

"Is it alright if I stay the night tonight?" One, because she wanted to cuddle with him and two, she was in no way shape or form in the position to move. Even though she felt weightless mentally, her body felt weighed down.

"Of course baby," He kissed her again, "But I want you to do something for me."

"Anything," She smiled. Bonnie would do just about anything for him, because making him happy was her ultimate goal.

"We've been seeing each other for quite some time," He began. Bonnie's breath almost caught in her throat. Was he going to propose? Was that why Connor was here? He wanted a witness? "And I was thinking that we should try something new in our relationship."

She waited for him to continue, but was sidetracked by Connor walking over and sitting on the end of the bed.

"I want to watch you sleep with him." If Bonnie didn't actually hear and see the words coming from Shane's mouth, she wouldn't have believed him.

"I'm sorry what?" It had to be a mistake. Shane barely liked her being friend's with Matt because he was guy. There was no way he could want this.

"He's my best friend, Bons. And I want him to know what it feels like to be inside your tight…" He sucked his teeth, just imagining how it felt to be inside her.

"But…"

"You said you wanted to make me happy right?" He asked cutting her off, and when she nodded, he continued. "This will make me happy. And I'm going to be right here watching."

Connor started tracing his fingers along her thigh, and she instantly flinched away. She didn't want this…. she didn't want Connor. She only wanted to be with Shane.

Shane grabbed onto her hands, "I want you to know what it's like to be with someone else. And I promise I will be sitting right over there." He then kissed her cheek, "So, please, do this for me baby."

Bonnie didn't realize when she finally agreed until Connor was on top of her, kissing down her neck. She couldn't believe she was letting this happen, but it's what Shane wanted, and she wanted to make him happy. He loved her, so sometimes you do crazy things for the people you love.

And before he went to go sit in his chair, he whispered to her to pretend she liked it.

* * *

An hour later, Bonnie found herself in Shane's shower, letting the water wash away the filth she felt was embedded into her skin. As soon as Shane walked Connor out, Bonnie jumped into the shower before she could process everything she had just done. She would have loved to blame it on the H that was still buzzing inside of her, or the X that was still causing a minute affect. But she couldn't. She did it because she wanted to make Shane happy, because he had been so grateful and hospitable towards her. He bought her everything she could have wanted, and made her feel loved. And that's what she needed.

When the door slid open to the shower, her eyes connected with Shane for only a mere moment before he hit her across the face, causing her to lose her balance and fall to the shower floor. The tears instantly sprang to her eyes as her mind began racing, wondering what she could have done. Did Connor tell him that she wasn't good? Did she not look like she was enjoying it? Because she tried… she really did.

She was pulled to her feet by her shoulders, and slammed back against the wall.

"You let him touch you!" He yelled at her face.

"You wanted me too. I was trying to make you happy," she cried.

The anger was lethal behind his eyes, "You seemed to enjoy it more with him than you enjoy it with me. Is that it, Bonnie? Was he better than me?!" He shoved her back into the wall again.

"N-no…" she sobbed, "I-I love y-you."

"You're such a lying slut. Get the fuck out of my house. I never want to see you again." He pushed her down, causing her to fall out of the shower.

"Shane… I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Was this really happening?

"You have five minutes to get your shit and get out of my house!" He yelled, and walked out of the bathroom leaving her crying, confused, and unstable.

* * *

"I'm going to fucking kill him!" Matt was livid. All he could see was red when Bonnie walked into his apartment bruised, with tears streaming out of her eyes.

Bonnie rushed to Matt before he could walk out the door, "Matt, please no… please…"

"No, Bonnie! Enough is enough. The first time he did it I left it alone… then it kept happening and I still didn't do anything, but enough is just a fucking enough!" He yelled. "He made you sleep with that asshole Connor and then fucking beat you…no, Bonnie…"

"Matt please, I just want to forget about it okay. I don't want him to be mad at me anymore." She cried, "I really screwed everything up."

The one thing he hated and despised most in this world was anyone who hurt Bonnie. He was closer to her than his own sister, and he hated to see her cry. The bruises and cuts that were displayed among her body really set him on edge.

But all he could do was listen to her and pull her into his arms to provide the comfort that she needed. But would he forget about everything that happened tonight? Not a chance in hell.

* * *

The cracking noise satisfied Matt Donovan as his foot connected with Atticus Shane's face. "You come near Bonnie ever again, I will kill you. Do you understand?" His eyes then connected with Haley, the girl he had been involved with for several months, wearing nothing but panties and a bra. "And _you_, I don't want to see you again, you treacherous bitch."

After those words left his mouth, he looked at the professor one more time, bloodied and bruised with a broken nose, and left him lying on his living room floor writhing in pain, as he went back to his apartment.

No one messed with his girl and got away with it. He may have accepted the fact that he was now a drug addict and a dealer, and was probably drinking his way into an early grave, but he was still and would always be protective over his best friend. And the only thing preventing him from killing Professor Shane tonight _was_ Bonnie.

When he arrived back at his apartment, he took a shower and then climbed into bed with Bonnie. He pulled her close to him, and the whole night, all he could do was listen to her breathe.

* * *

_**Present**_

Bonnie was pulled out of her thoughts by the rain falling from the sky and Marcel helping her up to get inside. She hadn't even realized that she had fallen asleep, but the memories were assaulting her mind, making her extremely tired.

She could still remember the pain she felt upon finding out that the night Shane had physically, emotionally and mentally caused her pain, he jumped in bed with Haley; a person that at the time, she had considered a friend.

"Do you want to join me to get something to eat?" Marcel asked.

Bonnie would have said yes because she hadn't eaten anything all day, but she wasn't really in the mood to be around people at the moment.

Solitude. She needed it right now. "Raincheck? I just want to go lay down for a little while."

"Of course." His million dollar smile plastered among his face, before he kissed her hand.

When she walked on, Marcel began walking towards the cafeteria. He really enjoyed Bonnie. She was beautiful and though she didn't talk much, and was still in her recovery process, he could tell that she was just this kindhearted woman with a fire behind her eyes. If it was a guarantee that Rebekah wouldn't kill him or if he still wasn't dancing the little tango back and forth with Meredith, he probably would have tried to pursue her.

Oh well, knowing him… he just might.

"Fall off the wagon again?" Marcel stopped walking and turned around to the familiar voice filled with sarcasm.

He flashed those pearly whites again, "Damon Salvatore. I could ask you the same thing." He then gripped him into a hug.

Even though Damon held a bit of irritation towards his friend from seeing him attempting to flirt with Bonnie for a second time, he was glad to see him. Out of everyone he surrounded himself with; it was always he, Marcel, and Kol who were the same when it came to certain things. The only thing that separated them from Kol was that they succumbed to a life of drugs and Kol hadn't.

Damn, He desperately missed the second to the youngest Mikaelson.

"Is it getting lonely at the top of Salvatore Industries?" He joked. "Or did you decide not to let your PH, D. go to waste? Or is it for someone in specific? Because that has to be why you would leave your billion dollar company to come counsel just one girl."

If anyone else would have talked to Damon like Marcel had, he would have made them reconsider living in the same area code. But Damon and Marcel were practically brothers… one in the same. And hell if it wasn't his brother or the rest of the Mikaelson gang that could almost read him like a book, it was Marcel. The only problem in that was that Marcel never left anything alone.

"Elijah is more than capable of running everything while I'm away." He stated walking into one of the session rooms, and closing the door behind them. He really didn't need anyone in his business.

"Why are you here and only helping one person? It doesn't make sense."

Damon smirked, "You and the Mikaelson family can't function without knowing my business can you?"

"What can I say, the only thing we don't know about each other is our social security." He paused for a moment, "Look, usually I pry, but I won't for now."

Damon was just as surprised as Marcel was for not continuing to his interrogation. "Who are you and what have you done with Marcel." He stated, causing laughter to erupt form his best friend.

"Can you believe that Elijah is finally settling down," Marcel said, changing the subject.

"Eh, I figured out of all of us, he would be the first to get locked down."

"Did he tell you the two people that made the guest list?" If he didn't, Marcel wanted to be the one to reveal the information to Damon just to see his reaction.

"Who?" Damon asked, not fully aware of the smirk plastered on Marcel's face.

"Connor and Atticus."

Damon's face instantly fell a little and he mentally cursed. He hadn't seen Connor and Shane since a little after his college years. He couldn't stand Connor for various reasons and he only tolerated Shane because he was a good friend of Elijah's.

This was going to be one interesting wedding. At least he had several months to prepare for it.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I know I probably need to dodge a bullet from this chapter and especially the ending. I'm sure the majority of you awesome readers are like WTF just happened? Why hasn't Damon already done something to Shane since he knows him and he hurt Bonnie, but that's the point, when Bonnie is having her sessions with Damon, she doesn't really reveal names. She hasn't revealed the professor's name to him, and she doesn't plan too. Also, those moments where Bonnie is thinking back on her memories of everything, the majority of the time she's already revealed that in her session with Damon or will be revealing it soon. I hope it's not too confusing.**

**I do really hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I wasn't as happy with it, but if anything it could be filler. It was a little difficult to write with the way Shane treated Bonnie, because it's just sick and disgusting, but I had to delve deep into that dark place. Also if you think the past scenes are moving too fast or the scenes with her friends was too short, don't worry because there will be more.**

**Also the scene with Rebekah and her brothers, as she apologized, that quote was from Greys Anatomy from Lexie.**

**Again, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! And please review, because all of your reviews make me smile =) xoxo.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! I read everyone and I appreciate them all! Thank you thank you thank you! I will be responding to everyone's reviews individually (the one's I can) asap! Just right now it's 4 in the morning and after this is posted I need sleep lol. But thank you all so much, the follows, the favorites; just amazing! Please read the A/N at the end afterwards. Thank you! Also, I've been waiting to write this chapter since I started this story! Enjoy… xoxo.**

* * *

_One month later…._

Futility. Stupidity. Melancholy.

Bonnie's emotions were running on empty yet so full of heightened awareness due to the cold, distant, hollowness coursing through her skin. She didn't want to be here; in this group session, surrounded by people who were so unaware of how fucked up they really were and how senseless they sound. Voices springing downward towards despair of what got them here: _'I did it because of peer pressure,'_ _'I did it because I was ignored.' _No, they were all going through everything because they wanted to know what it felt like; they wanted to continue feeling good… to escape reality and to feel as if they were floating on cloud nine. That's why they did it.

As people were talking, Bonnie glanced around at everyone in the room, including Pearl and Damon. She was actually surprised to see Damon, because he never attended group sessions, but once entering, everyone was informed that Bri, who normally assist Pearl was out with the flu.

_Lucky her_, Bonnie thought. If the flu would get Bonnie out of these unimportant meetings, she would have got herself sick after the first day.

Bonnie's eyes then connected with Rebekah for a brief moment and instant resentment clouded her thoughts. She was more than just upset with the blonde. She was heated… pissed. And she knew that Rebekah held the same reaction towards her.

After she allowed her brothers to finally visit, Rebekah decided to still stay at the center to everyone's surprise. And Bonnie found out she could do that because her family donated a lot of money to this place. And yesterday, Bonnie found out why Rebekah was truly staying….for her.

Bonnie could remember telling her that she was stupid and that there was no point in staying for her. She had been at this facility for almost four months and she didn't see herself going anywhere. That brought on arguments and obscenities being thrown out at one another, and more past moments were revealed from Bonnie. After all of the vulgar yelling, Bonnie stormed out of Rebekah's room, with every intention of not speaking to her ever again.

When someone began talking about their road to recovery, Bonnie scoffed. It truly annoyed her, brought out every irritation that she felt today.

"Bonnie would you like to say anything?" Pearl's voice was filled with compassion and comfort. The thought crossed Bonnie's mind that she would have been her client if Damon hadn't unexpectedly arrived and took her on.

At the thought of his name, Bonnie looked over at Damon for a moment who was staring intently at her. A blush would have probably graced her features if she weren't so enraged with anger from being in this room with everyone and her tiff with Rebekah yesterday.

"Yes, Bonnie, do share what makes you oh so irritated at these sessions," Rebekah smirked, "That you think you are so far above."

Bonnie glared at her, "I never said I was above anything."

"Really? Because when you come in here, you never say a word. And you act like a bitch when all anyone wants to do is help you."

"Rebekah…." Pearl interrupted, issuing her to stop.

"Back the _fuck_ off Rebekah. Instead of talking about me, why the hell are _you_ still here. You should have been out of this place months ago. And what? Your stupid excuse is to help me, well trust me, I don't _need_ your help. All of this…. none of this is real." She looked around at everyone, "Staying sober in this place is easy… but then you go out in the real world and you're back to square one. Once you all get that through your pathetic skulls, you'll thank me."

Rebekah rolled her eyes, "Well, with the girl with all the answers, you're awfully quiet about your own crap."

Bonnie glared at her and stood up, preparing to leave "I couldn't care less about any of this. I'm out of here."

Rebekah stood up as well, "Just because you don't share doesn't mean you're not one of us, _Bonnie_."

"Whatever."

Pearl and Damon found themselves standing, just in case things got a little physical.

Marcel found himself speaking, "I think Rebekah has a point Bonnie, you haven't been opening up."

Bonnie looked at him and everyone else, "What is this, gang up on Bonnie day?"

"You didn't kill Matt." Rebekah cut her off.

The air felt as if it were knocked out of Bonnie's lungs at Rebekah's words; words that she shared with her in private; words that killed her each and every day. She couldn't fathom what she was feeling at the moment. Was it rage, pain, sadness? All three?

"He took the drugs himself." Rebekah continued.

"Shut up, Rebekah." Bonnie warned.

"You didn't kill him okay, he took the drugs himself. " She explained, trying to make Bonnie understand, "You didn't make him take them. You have to get that, before I leave, you _have_ to get that. Because If you don't, you're never going to make it. And I _need_ you to make it." She walked up to Bonnie, prepared to pull her in a hug if needed, " I know you loved him and I know he loved you, but he took the drugs himself."

Bonnie felt below herself. In a distant area that held no destination of return. She didn't know the facial expression she possessed… whether tears had formed or not. "I'm not doing this." She whispered, before walking out and slamming the door behind her.

Bonnie didn't recognize when she ended up outside staring into the pool; trying her best to bring clarity… ease her mind from the biggest tragedy in her life. But she couldn't. Matt wouldn't leave her thoughts.

* * *

_**Past**_

_Exhilaration._

Bonnie Bennett felt exhilarated… delighted…. blissful. Could it be possible to actually feel perfect? Because that's honestly how she was feeling. It was like this wave of new rhapsody that encased her into a heavenly peace.

"Why didn't we ever think of doing this before?" Matt asked, with a smile of peace upon his face. His hands were resting behind his head as he slowly came down from the after effects of heroin and sex. Bonnie's sex.

Bonnie smiled and kissed his chest, "I think we've thought about it, just never acted upon it because the whole friendship thing."

He wrapped his arm around her and traced his fingers along her back, "Well, I think our friendship will still be intact. You're my number one Bons, I could never be away from you."

Bonnie reached up and kissed his lips. It was kind of amazing and crazy how things worked out. Months after the incident with Shane, Bonnie found out that Matt went to go do more than talk to him by inserting his foot with Shane's face. She remembered being depressed for several months, barely eating, barely sleeping. She couldn't even recognize herself due to the tears that remained stained on her face. But Matt was always there for her, holding her… providing comfort. And though there were times she found herself thinking about Shane whether it was good or bad, she slowly pass through it.

And after all of the compassion and comforting words said, Matt and Bonnie found themselves sharing a lip lock and then found themselves in bed together. It was worthwhile; definitely worth the wait.

"So, what are we now? Still friends or ….?" Bonnie asked, cuddling against him, savoring his warmth.

Matt held on to her, almost afraid to let her go. "We're whatever you want us to be. If you want to just stay friends we can do that, if you want to play the friends with benefits card, we can do that too, if you want to be friends and be in a relationship, I'm _definitely_ okay with that." He laughed.

She couldn't help but join in his laughter a bit, "I like the last part."

"Good, because I wasn't going to accept anything but the latter," He kissed her forehead.

When Matt's cell phone went off, they both found themselves groaning and rolling their eyes.

"Who is it this time?" Bonnie asked.

"Elena." Matt answered, ignoring the call.

Caroline and Stefan already called once today, so they figured Elena or Tyler would be next. A couple of months ago, the people that she used to call her best friends found out that she wasn't visiting her Grams to get better. They came to check on Matt, knowing that he was in the same boat as Bonnie, actually just a little worse, and found Bonnie there. Her bruises weren't all the way healed at that time, so they witnessed the painful artwork plastered on her skin.

Elena and Caroline's eyes instantly filled with tears once they learned what Shane had done. They started begging… pleading for her and Matt to get off the path they were on. But Matt just ignored them and Bonnie lashed out with a slew of discourteous words and kicked them out. And today they were calling and texting, leaving messages of wanting to meet up and talk.

Bonnie wasn't having it.

"You know if we don't go, they're just going to keep calling." Matt said, drinking from the half empty beer bottle on his night stand.

Bonnie sat up and looked at him, "We could just change our numbers."

He smiled and entangled his hand with hers. There was a bit a silence that fell among them, before Matt said, "Tonight should be our last night."

Bonnie's eyes connected with his and a look of understanding crossed her features, "Really?" Bonnie remembered when they started the lifestyle they were leading with the drugs and drinking that once they both agreed to make the decision stop, they would do it together.

"It's a decision I want us to make together though, because I don't mind continuing. Trust me, the way I've been feeling since I started this, has been nothing short of amazing, but we know what this can do to us later on down the road, and Bonnie you've already been through so much and I don't want that for you." His eyes were concentrating as they stared into hers and Bonnie felt her tears spring to the surface.

Bonnie squeezed his hand, providing a gentle feel to him, "I don't want that for you either."

"I love you Bonnie B." And they both knew that his term of endearment was more than just friendship this time.

Matt Donovan loved Bonnie Bennett, and she loved him just the same.

"I love you too, Mattie D." she chuckled, and kissed him.

They didn't realize when they lied back down with their hands intertwined, but as of now they were staring at the ceiling both lost in different thoughts.

After they inhaled a bit of the white nose candy, it brought them back to their invigorating high; especially with the H still taking it's affects into their skin.

And again, they were cut out of their moment by Matt's phone going off.

It was Caroline…. again.

"Why don't they get that we don't want to talk to them." Bonnie said with irritation, masked behind her voice.

"Maybe you should." Matt said. His voice calm….cool… collected, and it definitely received a look from Bonnie. "Hear me out, if you go and talk to them just once, they'll leave us alone."

"I doubt that."

"I know you miss them Bonnie, this could do you some good….seeing them."

"It'll probably just piss me off. Especially Stefan, and his stupid brooding eyes that has no purpose." She said, getting angry all over again. "Plus, if I do decide to go why aren't you going with me?"

"Because I'm too strung out to be around bullshit." He answered. Matt was the type that didn't listen to anyone but Bonnie and occasionally his sister. He was a loose cannon…. numb. He knew more than anyone that he was further gone than Bonnie. He didn't remember the last time he drank water; he shot up almost every other day, and snorted coke like playing a video game. He didn't think he could be Matt without participating in those activities. So, the fact that he was going to give it all up, had to do with his love for Bonnie. Was it going to be hard? Yes. Was he going to slip? Probably every day, but Bonnie he would never let Bonnie know because his focus was on her getting better. She had so much more going for herself than he did. And he needed her to end up okay.

"And you think I'm not?" She playfully shoved him.

"Just go Bons, and when you get back we'll get fucked up one last time." He smiled and kissed her forehead.

She thought about it for a moment, "Okay, fine, but you owe me big time."

"I'll grovel at your mercy for a week." He smiled.

When she got up and slid on some clothes, Matt's voice entered her ears, "You know Bonnie, you're my soulmate."

Bonnie instantly turned around to look at him.

"I know it sounds cheesy but I believe it's always been you. You're like coming up from fresh air. All of these years you've never left my side and I don't know where I would be without you."

Bonnie wiped a tear away from her eye, "If your purpose is to make me cry before I meet with them then it's working."

"My purpose is to tell you that one day I'm going to marry you."

She was straddling him in an instant and kissing him with all the passion she could muster, "Okay, I'm not going anywhere."

He laughed, "Yes you are, I already text Caroline and told her you would meet them at her dorm room."

"I love you, Matt." And she did, with all of her heart. It was seldom that you're best friend ended up being the one right under your nose. After Shane, she didn't know if she would ever be healed again. Hell, a part of her was still broken, but Matt made a lot of things better. He always did.

"I love you too."

After they kissed a few more times, Bonnie grabbed Matt's keys to his car and went to go have a very dreaded meeting with the people she didn't really want to see.

Once Bonnie walked out and locked the door behind her, Matt pulled out the small box filled with a small bag of two ecstasy pills and a needle and vile of heroin. He would do it with Bonnie again tonight, but he really needed it now. And mixing H and X together yesterday, the effect was just too intoxicating and refreshing to wait until later to do it again. He needed it now. It was out of this world indescribable.

So, as he did his magic, he lied back in his bed and let his thoughts take over. He would marry Bonnie one day. They would get sober, get married, and have kids. They would be okay. And if they didn't work out, they would still be friends… best friends. If it didn't work out he would be her maid of honor and she would be his best man. They would always be there for each other. Simple as that.

Even if she would try to kill him if she found out that he set her up for an intervention.

* * *

Bonnie was ancy….almost pacing before she knocked on the door of her old dorm room, she hadn't stepped into in almost a year. But to get them to back the hell off of her and Matt, she would grant them one last visit. And after it was all said and done she would tell them to fuck off.

She was greeted by Tyler with a solemn expression on his face. She walked right past him and her eyes connected with the people sitting in a circle in her old living room. It consisted of Caroline, Elena, Stefan, and some woman she never met.

"What is this?" she asked.

When no words were said, she rolled her eyes, and turned towards the door that was being blocked by Tyler.

"I'm not doing this. I didn't come here for this."

Elena stood up, "Bonnie, please just hear us out okay. We care about you."

She turned around to face everyone, "Well I don't care about any of you. Tyler _get_ out of my way."

But Tyler didn't budge.

"Bonnie, maybe you should sit down and listen to your friends." The woman, whom she had never seen before, spoke up.

Bonnie found herself glaring at the woman, "I'm sorry but your presence at this moment is irrelevant."

Stefan found himself speaking next, "Bonnie if you just listen to us… just this once, if you still want us out of your life, we won't bother you again."

It took Bonnie a moment to agree, but when she did, she did it by giving them one of her repetitive eye rolls, put her purse down on the floor and sat down in the empty chair in the circle.

"Bonnie," The woman began, whose name she learned was Isobel Saltzman, "You were asked here today because your friends care about you and each one would like to share with you how much they miss you and care about you and want you to get better."

Bonnie folded her arms and leaned back in her chair, "This should be interesting." She was glad she was still on her high from the coke; otherwise she wouldn't have been able to sit and listen.

But after an hour passed, and she had to sit through Caroline, Elena, and Tyler talk and get out their emotional feelings on how they wanted to help and be there for her, she felt like she was about to have a breakdown.

She quickly stood up, ignoring the intervention therapist, ignoring her friends, and briskly walked over to her purse. She scrambled through it until everything fell out I; still not being able to find what she was looking for.

"Looking for this?" Elena asked, holding up a small packet filled with white powder.

Bonnie could have walked over to the brunette and punched her square in the face, "Give it to me, Elena."

Elena's eyes left Bonnie's and connected with Stefan whom began speaking, "Bonnie I know that sometimes things get hard and when they get hard we tend to try to find things that make us feel safe...

"Give me my drugs," Bonnie repeated, ignoring Stefan.

But he continued, "….make us forget all those hard moments. And you found that in things that are slowly hurting your body, but Bonnie this isn't the way…"

She began pacing, "Give me my drugs. I want my drugs."

"We care about you so much….." Stefan said, trying to talk above her pacing.

"I want my drugs, give me my drugs!"

"…..and I know you don't want to hear it right now. I get that…."

She then began walking around the circle, slamming her hands on each chair her friend was sitting in, "What do we want, drugs, when do we want it now! What do you want drugs, when do we want it now!" She kept repeating it, not caring that she sound like a child who didn't get her way or a protester fighting for what was right.

"….but you have to let us take care of you, because we love you."

"Stefan!" she yelled, "You don't even know me! So quit with your bullshit lies. Why are you even here again?" She then looked at Elena, "_Give_ them to me, Elena."

Elena stood, and though her face expression with Bonnie was stern she felt as if she could cry at any moment, "No, Bonnie."

Bonnie had enough of all of this psychobabble bullshit. "You know what Elena, you're a real bitch you know that? You stand here with your eyes filled with tears as if you've had a fucked up life…as if this bullshit intervention is for _you_. But at the end of the day it always has to be about Elena isn't it. At the end of the day if you're not the center of it all you'll lose you're _fucking_ mind." She then looked at Caroline, "And Caroline. No one will ever care about you. You do realize that right? You'll always be second best. You will never come first. But hey, I guess it's better than being chosen third, like me. Just keep putting out there though and I'm sure someone will fall for _you_ instead of fall into bed with you." When her eyes found Tyler's she smirked, "How did you even make it this far in college, Tyler. Oh, I forgot daddy's money and connections with everyone in the school board, or did your dad just sleep with the Dean. Whichever one, you'll never make it in life. I'm surprised you're not asking me for a hit right now, because I will share…and for you, I'll make it free." And then it was Stefan, "And _you_…. Well I would actually tell you about yourself, but, I don't really know you and I don't care to know you. You're really of no importance to the world." When her eyes found Elena's again, she held out her hand, "Now, give them to me."

After much hesitation, Elena handed her the small bag.

"Elena…" Caroline said in protest, standing up.

"No, if she wants it, fine. Because this thing," She pointed at Bonnie who laid the powdery substance down on one of their end tables and began snorting, "Is not Bonnie…. this is not our friend."

Bonnie stood up, feeling a little relaxed, "That's just it, _this_ is me. The Bonnie that is standing before you is the real me."

Though Caroline was upset about Bonnie's comment towards her, she was able to convince herself that it was the drugs talking. "You stayed with a man who abused you Bonnie for such a long time. That is not the real you. Especially after your father…."

"Shut up, Caroline." Bonnie spat, cutting her off. It was in that moment that she remembered that other than Matt, Caroline knew about her abusive past with her father. It completely escaped her mind that Bonnie use to be extremely close to Caroline almost more than she was with Matt.

Tyler found himself standing between them, because Bonnie looked ready to pounce.

Isobel took it upon herself to speak, "What happened with your father, Bonnie?"

"Nothing." She gritted between clenched teeth.

"Her father abused her at times…," Caroline answered Isobel's question.

"Shut up, that is not your story to tell!" She yelled, preparing herself to attack Caroline, but Tyler held her back. "You stupid bitch, you shut up!"

And it really didn't get better after that. There was yelling from both parts, more harsh words were said and then Bonnie was telling them to 'fuck themselves' before she left.

* * *

Unlocking the door to Matt's apartment, Bonnie had every intention of walking inside with a bad attitude, but knowing that she was about to see her best friend/ boyfriend, and that they were about to indulge in their last moments of euphoria, she decided not to stress herself out about what had already occurred.

But when she stepped inside the apartment, a chill crept among her skin and she found herself bringing her arms around herself hoping for warmth. "Matt, it's freezing in here," she called out, putting her things in the living room.

When she made it to his bedroom that they shared, she stopped as soon as she stepped through the door. Matt was lying in his bed; his eyes focused on hers. It was as if they were staring into a pit of darkness… not seeing…. not understanding.

He wasn't looking at her. He didn't see her.

"Matt." She had to call out his name. Because what she was seeing couldn't be true. She didn't even want to think it.

"Mattie?"

He didn't move… didn't say anything. He still stared.

She didn't realize when she ran over to the bed, shaking him… trying to wake him up. "Mattie…. Matt wake up." She started shaking him with force, "Matt!" But he wouldn't budge.

She checked his pulse and he wasn't breathing.

* * *

_**Present**_

The memories crashed into Bonnie like a ton of bricks as she remembered walking in on Matt's lifeless body. Every day she tried her best to push it away from her mind…yet everyday she thought about it; thought about him. Thought about if she would have never left him, he would still be…

It killed her every day. But today… today it hit her harder than ever; because today was his birthday. And he would never be able to celebrate it with her.

Her eyes never left the water before her. She was glad no one was outside and no one had followed her. She didn't want to be around anyone. She didn't want….

She wanted Matt back… she wanted him here with her. She wanted to go back to the time where they never went over to Haley's…. where they never tried drugs. She would give anything to go back.

But she couldn't.

And with that last thought, she stepped in. The water was freezing and even though she could swim, at this moment, she decided not to, as she let the water invade her mouth.

* * *

Damon prided himself upon being a man who has experienced more than people had experienced in their lifetime, and he was only 27. He had a Ph.D., owned a multi-billion dollar business, overcame a drug addiction, had a brother and friends that were pretty much his family, that he would do just about anything for, vice versa. He was beyond average looking and that wasn't him being conceited; even though he could be that way from time to time, and every time he walked into a room, most girls would undress him with their eyes; issuing that he could get practically anyone he wanted. Hell, he was even named Manhattan's most eligible bachelor.

But as of lately, he just felt off. Actually, ever since he took Bonnie Bennett on as his client, each and every day he found it harder and harder for him to not tear down that bridge that separated that ounce of professionalism. He found himself thinking about her almost every day, finding it almost unbearable not to undress her with his eyes in their one-on-one sessions.

He may have been great at both of his jobs of counseling and business, but he was always the one to never feel anything on the job. Before he took on the life of a wealthy business owner, he participated in training for his clinical psychology studies. He connected with his clients, but he never once showed emotion. He helped them overcome their obstacles, feelings, etc. But he still never found himself acting out of character. At Salvatore Industries he was known as a hard ass. He was easy to get along with, but when it came to work, friendships went out of the window. And everyone knew that about him and respected him for it. And his work in the bedroom…. well that was another story for another time, but none of the women ever held complaints.

This past month, Damon was only able to counsel Bonnie once every week due to going back to Salvatore Industries and the biggest part was trying to stay away from her…to get her out of his head. But, it never worked…. and a part of him knew it wouldn't.

Now, he found himself standing inside of the room of the twenty year old, who was facing towards him, but not really looking his way. He had to see her. Everything that happened in the last hour set him on edge. After Bonnie stormed out of the group session, he wanted more than anything to follow her, but he knew couldn't. And when Marcel took it upon himself to go check on her, it did bring that irritation back he got towards him a couple of months ago with his obvious flirting with Bonnie. But at the end of it all, Damon was glad Marcel did go, because they were alerted that Bonnie tried to kill herself and he was able to save her before she drowned.

And now, Bonnie was lying in her bed, with the only source of light in her room was the moonlight barely seeping through her blinds. Damon then pulled off his jacket, and even though what he was about to do broke every rule he could think of, he climbed into her bed and held on to her.

As soon as he did that, she began to cry harder, resting her head on his chest. Was he afraid that someone was going to walk in on them? No. Was he afraid that he caught himself actually liking Bonnie for more than just his patient, and it was inappropriate? Yes.

Damon didn't remember when her tears ceased, but he could still feel her body shudder from the after effects of crying.

"I feel like I'm moving in slow motion…" Her voice was just a bit above a whisper, breaking the silence that had fallen among them. "….like I'm moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving so fast…. and I just want to go back to when things were normal. When I wasn't poor Bonnie in a rehab center, grieving over the death of best friend…her boyfriend… but I am." The tears found their way forming in her eyes again, "I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to be this person, I don't know who this person is. How did this happen? Why am I alone? Where's Matt?"

"You're not alone Bonnie." Damon whispered. And at that moment that was all he could say. No degree in the world could make him say anything different.

* * *

_**Past**_

_"It's like you're screaming and no one can hear, you almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing…."_

He was cold. There was no warmth to Matt Donovan's body as Bonnie lied against him. In the distance she could hear a door open. She could hear footsteps…voices. She couldn't make them out though. None of them were Matt's voice.

No, because Matt was lying beside her; still… frozen. Not warm. No body heat. She remembered closing his eyes.

"Bonnie…." It was Stefan. She knew it was his voice. Anyone could always tell Stefan's voice. He could be angry, sad, hurt…and he still held that same voice… that comfort….security.

Had she called Stefan? She felt as if she did, but she couldn't remember.

All she could remember was finding Matt… dead.

"_No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you…"_

She could also hear crying. She knew it was Elena… she knew her tears.

Elena could barely call out to her as the image of Matt bored into her brain. She had to take a seat. She couldn't stand.

"He died all alone." Bonnie's voice was a whisper…. hollow.

Stefan walked up closer to the bed, "They're going to need to take him Bonnie." He said referring to the coroners, standing outside the apartment.

Elena finally found her voice, even though it was strained by the pain of losing one of her best friends, "Bonnie you need to come with us, you can't be here…"

Bonnie shook her head, "I need to be alone with Matt…. he'll wake up, and all this will just be…."

"Bonnie, that's not Matt." Stefan spoke up.

"Shut up."

"The minute his heart stopped beating, he stopped being Matt. I know you love him, but he also loved you and a guy who loved you like that wouldn't want you to do this to yourself, because it's not Matt. Not anymore."

"A couple of hours ago we were happy…. we said we were going to stop doing everything tonight," She cried, "And now he's dead. Isn't that absurd? Isn't that the most ridiculous piece of shit you've ever heard?" She cried and held on to Mat tighter.

Stefan slowly picked her up, carried her out to the living room and sat on one of the couches, holding onto her while she cried.

Elena instantly joined them, and wrapped her arms around both Stefan and Bonnie, as the coroners came in to retrieve Matt.

"_And when it's over, and it's gone. You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good."_

* * *

**A/N: I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Like I said earlier, I had been waiting to write this chapter since I started the story lol. Again I want to give credit where credit is do. As I mentioned when I started this story, I said that It would loosely be based off of Amelia Shepherd from Private Practice if you all have seen the show before, but this chapter definitely took some key scenes from PP, like the intervention scene, the group session scene, and Matt dying. Where Bonnie talking to Damon that was from Grey's anatomy with Izzie and was also with Izzie at the end on the last flashback. Oh and the few italicized quotes in the last flashback is from Rhianna's song We found love. **

**Also, you all may be thinking like whoa major time jump. Several months from the last chapter. No, I'm not crazy lol, but don't worry just because we've revealed one big part in Bonnie's past doesn't mean the flashbacks are over. It also doesn't mean that she has to be in rehab to have the flashbacks, and later flashbacks that she does have can have Matt in them and other fall outs with her friends. **

**And don't throw something at me with the Bamon unprofessionalism lol. But hey, it's Damon, and even though my story is OOC from the tv show and AU and whatnot, he still doesn't follow the rules, even though he knows he should.**

**But thank you so much for reading, and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please review! Your reviews give me life! xoxo**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I know I may need to start dodging things from being thrown at my head right now. I'm so sorry that it took so long to update. We all have those extremely busy moments in our lives. But I just wanted to say WOW! All of your reviews have just made my heart jump with joy! I'm so glad you are all loving this story! It really means a lot! Thanks for the favorites and follows as well. I went back and read all of the reviews and knew that I needed to take some time out to give you all an update. So, I hope you all enjoy! **

* * *

_Frustration._

Damon Giuseppe Salvatore was frustrated… irritated, hell, livid even. The body on top of his rocking back and forth was initially supposed to sate him… bring him pleasure. His dick was so far into Rose's slick wet sheath that he should have felt something… anything. But all he felt was the need to push her off of him and go take a cold shower.

He was hard, yes, but it had to do with one woman in particular, and not the one bouncing up and down on top of him, moaning and screaming like she was being attacked. He understood that his male anatomy between his legs made the women he had been with react that way, but at this moment he wasn't doing any thrusting. Tonight he was just guilty of lying there, pretty much being utilized as her own personal dildo, who may have grabbed onto her waist from time to time to give the impression he was enjoying it.

When his name escaped her lips and he felt her walls tighten and the lips of sex clench even harder around his shaft, he couldn't help but feel glad that she came; that it was over. And before he knew it, she was off of him and lying on her side with her back facing him as she succumbed to sleep.

If anyone asked why he and Rose kept playing musical chairs with one another in the sex department, it definitely had to do with her level of non-commitment. She was almost like a female version of his self. Even though she didn't make him come tonight, her philosophy was 'as long as she got hers.' Hell, he was exactly like that. Sex had become such a second nature with him that he didn't care if the woman didn't get off, which never happened at least twice.

Damon was in the shower before he realized it letting the cold water cascade down his skin, as his dick stood out like an extra arm trying to grab for what was not in front of him. It was almost painful when he palmed his shaft, trying to let his release shoot out of the tip. But it wasn't working… it was just making him even more frustrated.

And then he did something that he shouldn't have, but since he was in the privacy of his own shower, he let his mind wander to the one thing he had been trying his best not to think about for three days. Bonnie Bennett.

As soon as his mind went to her, the feeling of pure elation coursed through him and as he continued pumping himself, thinking about the beautiful young woman he was counseling; picturing her beautiful big green eyes, her full lips… hell, he rarely saw her smile and yet she still turned him on. He began to picture her beneath him as he thrust in and out of her, and before he could comprehend anything, his cum was shooting out onto the shower wall and on him.

As he let the water wash away his indiscretion, out of nowhere it just came back. _What the Fuck?_ Was the first question that crossed his mind. His Johnson couldn't really be in that much need. And the fact that the woman he desired that was making him feel this way, was off limits for more reasons than one, meant that he would be rubbing himself raw tonight or blue balls would be the only feeling throughout his system.

After he finished his shower, he found himself putting on a pair of sweat pants and nothing else. He ended up in his study working on a few business reports for the company, in hopes to ease his mind and get Bonnie out of his head. But he knew before he got started that it wouldn't happen. He pretty much came all over the shower because of her.

Ever since those three nights ago when he found himself breaking every rule thought possible to lay in bed with Bonnie and hold on to her to provide comfort, he knew he wouldn't be right again. The feel of her soft skin, the way she cuddled and held on to him while she slept. In that moment he felt as if he provided her security… as if he was her protector of some sorts.

He didn't know how many times in just the past three days had he thought about leaving counseling and her behind to go fully back to Salvatore Industries. He may have picked up the phone ten times in just today alone to call Stefan and tell him he was done with everything. But Bonnie's beautiful sad green eyes popped in his head every time, causing him to never go through with the call.

But tomorrow… tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow he would turn away from the job and turn away from Bonnie.

He had to before he lost his sanity.

* * *

**Please don't toss this out. I know we're not allowed to visit you,I get that, I understand it more than anything, but I just wanted to let you know that I miss you…we all miss you. It just doesn't feel right being in college without you. Without Matt. I know you probably think we're mad at you. But we're not. We love you and we loved Matt…. So much. I'm glad you're able to get the help you need and I can't wait until you're able to come home. Now, I know you're not one for the whole mushy gushy moments lol so I won't continue going in deeper because I'll probably cry. **

**On a lighter note, I've changed my major like three times, still unsure what I want to do, but I think that event planning is my calling. I don't know why I didn't see it before especially when that's all I did in high school and I have all of our weddings planned out in every detail. But anyways, I slept with Tyler. And we're not together in a relationship together, but we are having fun. I know crazy right? Elena and Stefan are doing good, still the IT couple as people like to say, even though we're not in high school anymore. And no, I'm not jealous lol. Oh… and Jeremy and Anna are taking a break. I'm sure you are shocked just like me. Well, I just wanted to keep you updated and just know that I love you and I hope you are doing well. Come home soon. **

**Xoxo Care.**

Bonnie was overwhelmed with a mix of several emotions upon reading Caroline's letter. It was sent to her the first week after being here at the facility, but it took up to now to for her to open the letter and read it. And it was the first of many. She had ten to be exact; seven letters from Caroline, one from Elena, one from Stefan, and one from her Grams. And she hadn't brought herself to read any of them until now.

Was it because of three days ago when she had a break down and almost drowned herself in the pool because of Matt's death or the fact that on that same day it was his birthday. A birthday that they had vowed to bring in together… sober.

Quickly pushing the thought away, before she had another episode, Bonnie stood up from her bed and found herself looking out the window she had grown so familiar with. It was another rainy day and for a moment she pictured herself running in the park with her friends when they were kids. She remembered the moment when Tyler threw mud in Elena's face which caused all of them to indulge in a full out mud war and Bonnie ended it with falling face first into the mud. Needless to say it was fun… messy but fun. Being that young the only troubles that they had was getting the mud and dirt out of their hair and catching a cold.

It's just so crazy how everything changes. How you grow up and the people that you thought you would spend forever with were no longer there. And you're no longer the person you thought you would end up being. But that's life right?

Life could suck.

And yet with all of that being said and everything that had been bombarding her mind in just the past three days, she found that she couldn't get Damon out of her mind. That night when everything came out, he held her onto her in a way that was almost painful. And as crazy as it sound, not painful in a bad way, but painful in a way that brought a feeling of comfort….a feeling of hope. That maybe life wouldn't suck for too much longer.

She knew that it was wrong to have any type of feelings but gratitude towards her therapist, but it was also wrong for him to come into her room that night and hold her.

But the fact that she hadn't seen him in three days made her think that he knew that as well.

"Knock, Knock." A familiar female voice brought her out of her thoughts.

When she turned around to see Rebekah standing in the doorway, holding a basket full of items, she couldn't help but let a slight smile form on her face.

"I brought treats in exchange for your forgiveness." She smiled softly, holding the basket out in front of her.

"As long as you forgive me first?" Bonnie asked.

Rebekah shrugged and sat on Bonnie's bed, "Nothing to forgive. Like I said before, we all have our lash out moments from time to time here. Plus you're my friend. We wouldn't be friends without a few arguments here and there. I love you Bonnie B."

If Bonnie hadn't spent the other day crying and draining all of her tears out of her system, she probably would have let the tears fall at Rebekah's words, but instead she opted for a hug. "Thank you for being here for me…for being such a great friend, Rebekah."

The hugging lasted only a minute until Rebekah pulled away, wiping the tear that had threatened to fall, "Enough with the syrupy moment. I brought muffins, donuts, brownies, and cookies. I think it's time for us to embrace a sugar, high- caloried coma…"

"Yeah and not be able to fit through the door." A light chuckle escaped her lips.

"We can worry about that when the time comes." Rebekah's responded, as she bit into a white chocolate brownie.

Bonnie found herself inhaling a chocolate chip cookie as the girls indulged in conversation and food.

It was refreshing having Rebekah here. Not talking to her for almost a week was surprisingly unbearable. She had become incredibly fond of the blonde and she was glad that they formed a friendship and still opted to stay friends after their insane argument.

There was such a thing as a sugar high right? Because between that and the pain that invaded their stomach with all of the sweets, they had to admit that they were content. They didn't eat everything, but it felt like they had. Full wasn't even the word.

And now they were lying on Bonnie's bed, flat on their backs.

"Your brother should own his own bakery." Bonnie found herself saying, licking her fingers from the chocolate that decided to stay on her finger.

"Don't let him here you say that," Rebekah informed her, "As many times as I've told Nik that he should open up a bakery he gives me that 'if looks could kill' glare."

"Nik is the painter right?"

"Yes, I cannot wait until you see his artwork you will fall in love." She said thinking of her brother's artwork; his masterpieces. "And even though he has a bit of temper, he is still a softy." _Well at times_, she thought, but decided to keep that part to herself.

Silence enveloped them until Bonnie spoke, "Is it selfish of me to not want you to leave?"

"I think it would be selfish of me to stay," Rebekah responded, "I'm so use to being here that I've actually grown to like it. And even though I've met an amazing friend like you, I still think it's time for me to go. I'm finally ready."

"I understand." Bonnie said, her eyes still glued to the ceiling, "I'm really glad you're finally getting out of here, Bexs, you definitely deserve it. "

"And so do you." She said, now looking at Bonnie, "You'll be out of here sooner that you know it. Leaving wouldn't even cross my mind if I didn't think you were on the right path to leaving. You may not realize it but you have advanced so much. And I'm really proud of you Bonnie."

A few tears formed in Bonnie's eyes, followed by a chuckle, "Is it your goal to make me cry tonight?"

"Of course not, love. My goal is already taken care of. But you do know I will be visiting every chance I get, which will at least be twice a week. Hopefully I won't have to make too many trips though," she hinted.

_Hopefully,_ Bonnie thought.

Rebekah then sat up a bit and rested her elbows on the pillows, "So you remember that game…err…. Truth or dare?"

How could she forge? Bonnie found herself thinking. She had some crazy truth or dare stories with her best friends back in high school. "Please tell me you don't want to play?"

"Truth or Dare, Bonnie?" A mischevious look crossed Rebekah's eyes, and Bonnie knew that it only meant trouble.

"Do I have too?" She whined a little.

"Yes."

"Fine, Truth…"

Rebekah figured that she would choose truth, so she knew the exact question to ask, "Why did I see Damon coming out of your room mid-morning the other day?"

Bonnie's eyes bulged. "Can I choose dare?"

* * *

Klaus Mikaelson wasn't the sentimental type. He never had been. Many people got that impression of him due to the fact that he was one of the world's most respected artist. But that didn't shape whom he was a person… didn't improve necessarily improve his personality.

Many people have told him that he put Leonardo Divinci, Picasso, and any historical painter that you could think of to shame. His work was loved and cherished by many. One of the best reviews that he once received was that his artwork could 'launch a thousand ships.' That type of compliment was only given once and to Helen of Troy; the woman whose beauty alone, pretty much launched a thousand ships; there was more information to the historical moment, but that was another story for another time. None the less, he was good at what he did and he took pride in it He took what was just a hobby when he was younger and turned it into nothing short of a franchise; having exhibits all over the world.

But that wasn't his only job.

As he sat at the graves of his brothers, staring intently at their tombstones, he thought about his other line of work. A line of work that he had eventually made a profession out of that only Elijah, Marcel, and Damon knew about. And It was better that way because if Rebekah, Stefan and when Kol and Finn were alive, knew about it he knew that it wouldn't really sit well with them. It wasn't something that he was absolutely proud of but as the years went on, he found himself marveling in the irony of it all.

The world knew him as a good-looking painter who could capture a person's soul in his artwork, his family knew him as the brother with a temper but who would die to protect them. But underneath it all he was a merciless killer… well executioner may be a better term. He didn't just go around and kill people for the fun of it, but he never felt bad about the lives that were taken under his hand. The logic he had been so equipped with after all of these years was that at the end of the day, the lives that he took all deserved it and the world would be a better place without them.

For instance, Alexander, Rebekah's old boyfriend. After everything that happened with the death of his brothers and Rebekah in the hospital fighting for her life, he made a visit to Alexander, took the money that was rightfully his family's and ended his life, but not before he tortured him. And by torture he meant putting the Hostel and Saw movies to shame. They were armatures compared to the death defying artwork he bestowed upon people.

If Damon or Elijah needed someone to be taken care of, it was him they called; no questions asked. And his protégé, Marcel, had assisted him through many of his extracurricular activities, and with the proper training he had almost become as frightening as Klaus.

"I thought I'd find you here." His brother's voice drifted to his ears, yanking him away from his thoughts.

Elijah kneeled down to be leveled with Klaus as he stared at Finn and Kol's tombstones.

"A day never goes by where I don't miss them." Elijah spoke, his voice solemn, masking the sorrow that engulfed him.

Klaus wasn't in the mood to have an emotional moment with his brother; there had been enough of that during the tragedy. He missed Kol and Finn to the point of pain, but wondering sometimes if they got off easy. Life wasn't all that it was cracked up to be and he learned that from the countless….

"She comes home tomorrow." Elijah knew that he had interrupted his brother from his thoughts.

Klaus was aware of his sister's return tomorrow. He even found himself baking for her; something he rarely did anymore, and dropping it off for her the other day. Rebekah was in a sense, his other half. He was close to all of his family, including the Salvatore brothers and Marcel, but Rebekah was almost a girl version of him. So, when everything happened and he witnessed her in that room, drugged out, crying… it killed him. And he couldn't help but let his temper take over. Out of all of his family and friends he was the one with the biggest temper, with Rebekah and Kol following behind in a close second.

"Do you think that if we were born into a different time… if we lead a different life…. things would be different?" Elijah asked, at Klaus's silence.

And his question traveled through Klaus's mind daily after everything they been through "All the time," He answered, glancing at his brother for a moment.

Elijah's hand found its way on Klaus's shoulder, providing a brotherly comfort. Even though not many words were said between the Mikaelson brothers at this moment, the thoughts traveling through their mind was the same.

The thought that sometimes even surviving through the pain could be the hardest part of it all.

* * *

The next day had come faster than Damon Salvatore expected. He had everything planned out upon entering the facility; everything he was going to say to end his duties as a therapist here. But upon coming into the facility, he spotted Rebekah wrapping Bonnie into an embrace, most likely saying her goodbyes. He noticed that they were openly crying, gaining a few looks from a few people walking by.

_Women were so emotional_, he couldn't help but let the thought cross his mind.

And now he was sitting in his usual seat across from Bonnie as they began her daily session. Well, nightly, since he didn't come earlier today like he should have.

The only noise in the room was from the ticking clock on the wall, as no words had been said between them. It had been literally five minutes of just minimally staring at one another. And that was unlike Damon, especially since he should have at least asked how she was doing, but his tongue rendered him speechless.

And that made him question his anatomy for a moment.

And right when he found his words to speak, Bonnie beat him to it, "I…won't say a-anything. About the other night…I won't." She was nervous; fiddling her fingers even though she had become comfortable around him. But with all of Rebekah's accusations and Damon holding her the other night, she couldn't help but feel a little nervous.

"It wouldn't matter if you did or not." He assured her; not wanting her to think that she was forced to keep a secret he honestly didn't care about getting out… even though he should. And so he found himself doing something he rarely did. "I do want to apologize for that night… I crossed a line and it wasn't professional."

They were silent for a moment as their eyes began playing a hide and seek game. When one looked, the other was looking away.

"Damon…?" Her voice brought him out of his thoughts, and his eyes connected with hers, "Thank you. That night… just… thank you…" And that was all she could say. Her gratitude towards his comfort… his patience was extremely high.

He nodded, trying his best not to gaze at her in a way that would make a certain part of his body a very hard problem again.

"Are you feeling better….after everything?" He didn't realize his voice came out in a huskier tone until her eyes abruptly glanced into his. He noticed the way she unconsciously brought her hand to her throat and folded her legs underneath her.

"If you mean am I to a point where I won't try to drown myself again; then yes… I'm feeling better." She meant for it to come out as a joke to provide any humor to lighten up the elephant in the room, but her voice betrayed her. That day… she wanted to end her life. Being in a world without Matt in it was taking too much of a toll on her; a toll that she could no longer bare anymore.

His answered her with another nod. "How did your group session go yesterday?" His questions were relevant, yet irrelevant. He hadn't formed the courage to come back and see her in three days and he really was concern with how she was doing.

"It actually went alright if you can believe it?" she answered, feeling extremely awkward for the first time sitting in front of him.

The silence enveloped them again but before Bonnie could say anything, Damon asked another question. "Have you been having anymore withdrawals?"

Irritation struck her out of absolutely nowhere, "No. Look, if you don't want to be here you don't have to be. Our sessions are supposed to be every day and you obviously come when _you_ feel like it. And that just throws me off, so I'll continue to go the group sessions, and do whatever else it is I have to do to get out of here."

He could have fed into her irritation or made a comment on how she probably missed him with the way she her attitude sprang out of nowhere, but instead he opted into asking her another question, "After your friend's found you… after Matt's death. Talk about that, what happened then?"

She was a little taken back by his question; not really expecting it, but expecting it if that made sense. And though the irritation never left, she still answered, "What kind of question is that when you already know the answer?"

And yet he continued to sit there and continue to look at her. Because he knew that she would began talking soon.

* * *

_**Past**_

She could hear voices in the distance… they were muffled voices. She didn't know how long they had been out there or whom had been out there.

She was sitting on a bed that wasn't hers, in clothes that weren't hers, and her hair was wet from the shower that she didn't remember taking.

She had no idea how long she had been sitting here… how long she had been staring at the blank wall in front of her.

"Why can't we see her?" She heard a female voice pretty clear. She heard the frustration behind the voice, but she didn't know who it had belonged too. Maybe if things were different, she would have recognized it.

"She needs to be alone right now." It was a male voice. She knew that voice. She knew that voice because it was his bed she had been sitting on for twenty four hours; it had been his clothes that she was wearing. The water to his shower that she had stood under for so long her skin had started to prune over.

"Stefan that's not your call to make. She's our friend." It was another female voice. It was familiar and yet her mind was so warped that she couldn't put a name too it. She didn't even try.

Stefan spoke again, but she zoned out, so she heard nothing.

And she didn't know how much time went by, but a small light filled the room and Stefan was now kneeling in front of her. She didn't even see him turn on a lamp or come in.

"Your grandmother will be here tomorrow." Stefan's voice was comforting yet held sadness.

She didn't know if she nodded but she did feel her head move a bit, so it had to have done something.

"You should eat, Bonnie," His eyes moved to his desk on the other side of the room, where a bowl of soup was placed.

She wasn't hungry. She honestly didn't know if she would ever have an appetite again.

"W-why," She almost didn't recognize her own voice. It was soft... barely there. She didn't even remember the last time she heard it. "W-why are you b-being so nice to me…" She had been nothing but rude to Stefan… down right mean and nasty, but yet he was here… trying to help her.

"My brother went through the same thing. So, believe it or not, I know what you're going through."

They were silent for a moment as they just stared at one another. And Bonnie didn't realize when the tears began to fall from her eyes until she was speaking again. "I don't think I can breathe…"

And when Stefan pulled her into a hug, she cried; cried about everything… cried about Matt. He was dead. Not here anymore. It didn't feel real. It couldn't be real. Was she in a pit of a nightmare that she couldn't get out of?

No, this was real. She was crying in Stefan's arms at the death of her best friend… her boyfriend… her soulmate. That was real. Matt wasn't coming back.

That was her reality.

She didn't know how long she cried in Stefan's arms, but as the tears continued to fall, he didn't mind. He wanted to help her… wanted her to get better.

"I'm ready to go to rehab now." Her voice was so low, he almost didn't hear her.

And again he nodded. He was glad she came around sooner than she did, because he already saved her a spot in Manhattan's Rehabilitation Center; one of the best in the world. It was fully paid for and his brother had agreed…well, in the process of agreeing, to be her therapist.

* * *

_**Present.**_

"When was the last time you did something for the first time?" Damon asked upon hearing her reveal her past. He asked the question because he was curious, but also because her tears were forming and he didn't want her to relive that painful moment anymore.

When she gave him a smirk, he realized that he needed to reword the question, "And when I say that I mean something fun, something fulfilling that made you feel alive beyond the drugs and the alcohol?"

She couldn't answer because she didn't know.

Damon stood up, "Come with me," It wasn't a demand… it was a request… a hopeful request.

"What?" she asked, looking up at him, unsure about what he meant.

"I want you to come with me; it'll just be for an hour."

Bonnie found herself standing up, not really understanding where this was going. "Wait, you want me to go with you where?"

"For a drive." His voice was simple, like it was just okay for her to leave the facility and go for a drive with her therapist.

"I can't leave here, you know that."

"I know that, but since you're with me you can, and no one can say anything."

"I'm not going with you." Her decision was made. No matter if they wouldn't get in trouble; she wasn't about to break the rules to go on a drive with her therapist.

"Well you should." He said nonchalantly. He could see in her eyes that she was breaking.

How long had it been since she'd been on the outside of this facility? She honestly didn't know. With that being said, she still wasn't going to go.

* * *

And yet five minutes later, Bonnie found herself in the passenger seat of Damon's blue convertible Ferrari. She was extremely aware that she was sitting in a car that she would never be able to afford in her lifetime. Hell, she never even thought she could afford to just ride in it.

Damon definitely proved that he could do anything he wanted too. She was just glad that night had fallen onto the earth, and everyone who were patients in the facility were in their room or in another area of the center; not being present when they left.

For a moment she couldn't believe that it was real. That she was in a Ferrari beside her therapist.

And she couldn't help but wonder if this was supposed to help her in her recovery process. She really didn't see how it would.

Damon found himself getting into the driver's seat, and looked at her, "Are you ready?"

She nodded but to be honest she wasn't sure. This just didn't happen.

And before she knew it, they were making their way down the street, taking an exit to the highway.

Damon couldn't help but glance over at Bonnie from time to time. She was concentrated on the outside around her, and in just this small moment, he noticed a change in her demeanor. Initially he was doing this to help in her recovery, because day to day sessions could get. And everytime he took a night to just drive like a bat out of hell, it brought him peace.

"I'm about to pick up the speed. And I want you to just take a moment to feel the wind on your skin… to let the feeling of pure elation course through. I'm not going to let anything happen to you alright?"

Bonnie's eyes connected with his briefly and she nodded.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes." She answered.

And then before she could comprehend anything, Damon was hitting 90, then 100…. 150… 200…

Bonnie never felt such a thrill.

This went beyond the contentment she use to limit herself with. This was different. This wasn't just euphoric. She was feeling all of her walls fall down. She was feeling free. For a moment she felt as if she had a bright future ahead of her again; a better one than she had envisioned when everything had hit rock bottom.

Bonnie was in this moment. Serene…

She was in an extremely nice car, going 220 miles per hour.

And she felt weightless.

She was healing and she was accepting it.

* * *

**A/N: So, what did you all think? I'm not going to lie, I wasn't as fond of this chapter, because as you all can see it was a filler. And probably not my best work, but I hope you all enjoyed it none the less! Please review & thank you all so much for reading. I'm not sure exactly when the next chapter will be out, but hopefully sometime soon. Please review! xoxo**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I would love to give you all a long list as to why this story has not been updated but I won't. I am sorry for not updating in a while. Life has just been extremely busy lately. I hope those who are with this story have not strayed away because I have more ideas brewing and can't wait to get them out to you in later chapters.**

**Also, if any of you have a tumblr, add me: I use to have a tumblr awhile ago, deleted it, and now I have a new one. I hope you follow me, because right now I have like no tumblr followers. I know…. Lame lol.**

**But I hope you really enjoy this chapter and can forgive me!**

**No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

_Acceptance._

**Past- a few weeks ago.**

"I only did Meth once." Damon's voice gained Bonnie's attention, bringing her out of her thoughts. She didn't know the expression that was held upon her face, but she could assume that it held shock, because that is exactly what she was in. "You don't know how true those commercials you see on television really are until you actually try Meth and you find yourself doing it again and again." The only people who knew of Damon's downfall with drugs when he was younger were his family. And by family he meant his parents and younger brother, the Mikaelson's and Marcel.

And now he was sharing that information with the young woman sitting next to him. The fact that he felt as if he needed to open up about his past, made Damon wonder about his sanity for a moment.

"I didn't do it to an extent but I did find myself getting lost in it from time to time. But for me I was shallow about my looks that maybe that's why I stopped that particular drug." He found himself smirking a bit. So, when I say I've been where you are and I know what you're going through, I'm not saying it just to say it. I've hurt people mentally and physically. I've hurt people because their pain masked my own and made me feel better… made me feel alive. I got off hurting people. I got off hurting myself…" He found himself pausing for a moment, not trying to relive his past, "….I almost killed myself twice…. and if it weren't for my brother, I would have…"

Damon could see Bonnie's expression out of his peripheral and could tell that she was in a state of shock. But he still continued, "And I'm telling you this because I know you feel like you'll never get through this… like it will never get better, but I'm a good example that it will. I went to rehab young just like you, got sober from the alcohol and drugs, went to school and earned my PH.D. and now I own a business. Trust me when I say, if I can do it anyone can."

If Bonnie were to get paid a million dollars to say something… anything, she would still hold the same amount of money she does now. She honestly didn't know what to say. Damon was sharing information with her about his past when he was lost in drugs. He was opening up to her in a way that not many people would. And she could definitely tell that he was the type to not really open up to anyone.

"So, it all depends on what you want Bonnie. Don't let this difficult point in your life put you on a different path from the direction you are heading. I can already see that you are much more than that."

Bonnie stayed silent as the tears invaded her eyes.

"I believe in you, Bonnie. So it's time to start believing in yourself… it's time to start forgiving yourself."

They both didn't even realize that their hands became intertwined for the duration of the night.

* * *

**Present**

"And then what happened?"

Bonnie couldn't help but send a glare at her best friend who was smiling uncontrollably. Rebekah had a way of not understanding the bigger picture in everything.

"Nothing, Bekah," She answered. "After we talked, he drove me back here, and I haven't really seen him in a while." Bonnie wouldn't admit that it bothered her a little that Damon hadn't returned to the facility since he illegally took her around the city. But she knew she had to control her emotions because it shouldn't matter if he were here or not. The last few weeks here were mainly group sessions anyways.

But she did have to admit that after the unexpected drive around New York, the adrenaline Bonnie felt brought her a feeling of pure elation.

Rebekah squealed, "This is exciting. You know he's like twenty seven right? And you're twenty-two, so you two would be perfect together!"

Even though Bonnie found herself rolling her eyes, she couldn't help smile, "Do you hear yourself right now? Damon is my therapist…."

"He _was_ your therapist, but he's really not anymore." She cut her off, "Plus he's still a man. A gorgeous man and that says a lot coming from me, especially since he's like my brother."

Laughter filled the air, and the foreign sound was coming from Bonnie. Ever since that outing with Damon, she found herself smiling and laughing a bit more every day. It was crazy how sometimes it takes just one simple moment to make the recover y process so much easier… so much more bearable.

"I think being out of this place has made you a little kooky." Bonnie replied, slipping on her sandals.

Rebekah threw a pillow at her best friend, "I'm just saying, every time his name is mentioned you blush."

"Damon is an attractive man, who wouldn't blush around him. I even blushed around Marcel a few times when he was here."

Bonnie did have a point, Rebekah couldn't help but think.

She then put her arm around her, steering away from the conversation for a while, "It's really good to see you like this, Bons. Smiling… laughing…. there is a definite change in you."

"Thank you," Bonnie smiled, "I wouldn't have been able to do it without you."

"And Damon," she winked.

It was Bonnie's turn to throw the pillow at Rebekah.

Rebekah caught it, trying to control her laughter, "But on a more serious note, you never told me how it went with your friends last week."

Bonnie paused for a moment as she thought about last week and how she was finally able to see her friends. It was a moment that she was excited for, but also scared to death. When you were able to meet with your family and friends, you were one step closer in finishing your recovery. And Bonnie knew that was the final step she needed. Even though she knew it could either make her or break her and put her back at square one….

* * *

**Past**

"Are you ready, Bonnie?" Pearl asked, gaining Bonnie's attention.

_No,_ Bonnie automatically thought as she fiddled with her fingers. She was nervous and really thought about turning away. "What if they don't forgive me?" she asked worriedly.

"Bonnie everything is going to be okay. I need you to breathe. Trust me, your friends came all the way to New York from Virginia, they_ want_ to see you. They miss you and you know that. So just breathe and relax."

Even though Bonnie found Pearl to be a sweet person, she would have preferred Damon to be here.

Walking into the room, her eyes connected with Caroline, Elena, Tyler, Stefan and Jeremy, whom were all sitting down.

Their eyes instantly went to her as she entered and took a seat, and to Bonnie's surprise there wasn't a hint of anger that cascaded across their faces like she expected. Instead, it was a look of sadness due to the tears and a look of…. understanding.

"Before we start," Pearl began, "I just want to inform everyone that this meeting is the last step Bonnie needs in order to end her journey here at the facility. Usually it's just for immediate family, but Bonnie has listed all of you as her family."

Everyone nodded and their eyes never left Bonnie's.

"Whenever you're ready, Bonnie," Pearl spoke, "Take your time."

Bonnie didn't realize when she actually started speaking because there was a lot of hesitation on her part. Her hands were sweaty and she just couldn't form an actual thought, but as soon as she began, the tears immediately came, "I don't know how to apologize. I want to take back everything I said, but I know I can't." She took a deep breath, trying to control her emotions, "I was sick and I was scared and I didn't mean… I wanted to hurt you, I was trying to hurt you and I think I succeeded. And if I could change that….if I could go back and undo…" Her lips quivered for a moment, knowing that any moment she could cry. "The drugs… some people think that the drugs and alcohol bring out the truth. And… maybe that's the case with normal people, I don't know. But for me…the drugs bring out lies and they bring out cruelty and viciousness and hate and those things are _not _me….they are not the real me." She wiped a single tear that had fallen from her eye. "The person you knew before the drugs is the real me….the real me is the person sitting here now. There are not enough words to express how _sorry _I am and how I let you all down." More tears began to escape her eyes, and it got to the point where there was no need to interfere, "The man I loved… my best friend… he died and I think he would be really pissed off at me if I died too so I'm saying I'm sorry, and I hope you believe me. I hope you can forgive me and I hope that I can forgive myself…."

"Bonnie you didn't let us down," Caroline spoke up; the tears in her eyes were not missed, "I think it's safe to say we felt like we let you down."

"We love you, Bonnie." Elena said, her chocolate brown eyes holding sadness, "We're not mad at you… we never were."

"You're our best friend, Bonnie," Tyler began, "You're our sister. We love you. How many times have I done things that you all didn't like? But you stood by me. We all stand by each other." Hearing Tyler say that brought more tears to her eyes.

She nodded, trying to wipe her tears, "I can't take it back, but I'm going to try and move forward and I'm going to try to never hurt any of you ever again."

And before Bonnie could react to anything else, she was being enveloped in a hug by Caroline, Elena, Tyler, and Jeremy. She tensed for a moment, because she hadn't hugged her friends in several months. It was an old familiar comfortable feeling, but new at the same time.

And she missed it desperately.

"We love you, Bonnie, no matter what." Jeremy said.

She couldn't help but smile as the tears left her eyes. And when she glanced ahead she noticed Stefan sitting there with a soft smile on his face and an expression of understanding.

They stayed that way for what seemed like eternity with everyone shedding a tear, missing their best friend.

When they left, Bonnie could feel that she was so close to being ready to leave in the week, but still something felt off…. Missing. Something else felt like it needed to be done.

As Bonnie stood up to leave, Pearl said, "Someone else wants to see you, Bonnie. She wanted to talk with you alone."

"Who?" She asked, not aware of whom it could be.

Pearl opened the door, and the person who walked in made Bonnie's heart feel like it dropped out of her chest.

Vicki Donovan.

Bonnie sat back down, because if she kept standing she would fall over. She couldn't feel anything but a desire to close her eyes and sink into an abyss so heavy that no one could get her out.

She didn't remember the last time she saw Vicki.

Bonnie's tears escaped her like a waterfall, and before she realized it, Vicki was kneeling before her enclosing her in her arms, letting the tears fall from her eyes as well.

Bonnie attempted to say sorry, but the words barely came out.

"It's not your fault, Bonnie." Vicky softly said, "It's not your fault."

And they stayed that way for awhile…crying, and providing comfort for one another.

* * *

**Present**

"I'm really proud of you, Bons." Rebekah wiped a stray tear form her eye after listening.

Not wanting to tear up anymore, Bonnie asked, "So, when am I going to see you again?"

"Well, I've never really been to Mystic Falls, but I'm sure I could visit. Or, you could come up here for the New Year, and I could show you what Manhattan is really like and how you can have fun without alcohol and drugs…. All-expense paid."

Bonnie laughed; she was really going to miss her.

"Plus there is Skype, text message, and email every single day."

As Bonnie zipped up her suitcase, she looked around the room that was practically her home for several months.

"Well, let me get going before I start crying." Rebekah then brought Bonnie into another hug. "Plus Elijah wants to take me out to lunch and you know how I don't like to pass up food."

Bonnie pulled Rebekah into another hug, "I love you, Rebekah. Thank you so much for everything."

"I love you too, Bonnie. And no problem, I would do it again if I had too." She said, wiping her tears, "Let's just hope I don't have too. Let me know when you make it home safely."

Rebekah kissed her forehead and then walked out of her room, almost running into Damon.

"Coming to say good bye, Salvatore?" Rebekah accused with a smile.

Damon found himself rolling his eyes at the youngest Mikaelson, "Just coming to make sure my patient is ready to leave, Barbie Klaus."

Rebekah rolled her eyes as well at the nickname Damon's always had for her since she was a kid. "She's ready… she's pretty excited actually. Are you going to go profess your love and beg her to stay in New York?"

"Don't you have to meet with Elijah and Katherine or something?"

Rebekah almost forgot Katherine was coming to the lunch with them, and that caused her to scoff. It's not that she didn't like her brother's fiancé, it's just that she didn't know her… and she wasn't really taking the time to _know_ her.

"Love you too, little sister." He smirked, and watched Rebekah walk past him and leave the facility.

* * *

As Bonnie put her knap sack around her arm and grabbed her suitcase that rolled, she looked back at the room, she stayed in for several months, one last time and took a breath of relief.

She was finally leaving, she thought with a smile as she walked out of the room. Not paying attention to where she was going, she found herself running into Damon.

Their eyes connected with one another as they stayed silent, trying to figure out what should be said to one another.

Bonnie was thrilled when Damon finally spoke up, because she didn't really know how to process words at the moment. "I just wanted to make sure everything was good with you before you left." This was the only moment in Damon Salvatore's life that he felt like he was some loser in high school that couldn't talk to girls.

"Yes… I've got everything packed. I'm ready." She answered.

Silence again.

"Should we hug?" Bonnie asked, mentally kicking herself at the question that sound extremely better in her head. "I mean, I feel like we should hug. I mean, you've been nothing but patient and understanding with me throughout everything. You saved me…. and I think we should hug."

Damon found her quirkiness to be endearing and he honestly didn't care if anyone were around witnessing this moment between them.

Bonnie was actually surprised when Damon pulled her into a hug. Even though she suggested it, doesn't mean that she expected it. But needless to say, she definitely felt like melting into his arms.

"Thank you, Damon."

When Damon lifted up from their hug, his eyes found hers and he was glad that he had something to do with the beautiful smile that descended upon her features.

"Hey, this was all you." It's not exactly what he wanted to say, but it would have to suffice. He then handed her a slip of paper with his personal email address that only a select few (meaning his family) had. He didn't think it would be appropriate to give her his number…. not that he should care.

"If you ever need anything, email me and I'll answer right away." And that was the truth.

She took the piece of paper and held onto it like it was gold. "Thank you."

When Damon's hand made contact with Bonnie's face in a soft caress, every ounce of his body was telling him to kiss her. Just once. It wouldn't lead anywhere, hell they would probably never see each other again, kept running through his mind.

But as soon as he felt himself leaning forward, Pearl's voice interrupted them, "Bonnie, you're ride is outside."

Bonnie's attention flew to Pearl's, but the only thing running through her mind was if Damon was about to kiss her? She had to just be imagining it.

Pearl then pulled Bonnie into a hug, "You be careful out there Bonnie. We'll miss you."

Bonnie smiled, directed her attention towards Damon one more time and then walked out of the Manhattan Rehabilitation center letting the fresh air hit her face.

"She's your patient, Damon." Pearl looked to the young man who was almost like a son to her, even though she wasn't that much older than him.

"Not anymore, Pearl." Damon smirked, watching Bonnie leave.

* * *

As Bonnie stepped outside, she expected a taxi to be waiting for her to take her to the airport, but instead it was a very nice black Chrysler 300 with tinted windows and a driver standing in front of it, holding up a sign that read: _Bonnie Bennett_.

"Ms. Bennett," The driver announced.

She nodded, a little taken back; wondering if the facility provided this nice ride to the airport?

After the driver took her bags and put it in the trunk, he opened the car door, issuing her to get into the back.

Never get into cars with people she didn't know, but she just figured it was from the facility so she got in and came face to face with Stefan Salvatore.

Bonnie had to admit, she was a little shock to see him. "Stefan… what are you still doing here? I thought you all left."

A soft smile formed upon Stefan's lips; a comforting smile she knew all too well, "I have family that lives here so I decided to stay until you were done so you could have company on the plane ride back."

As Stefan issued the driver to drive, he and Bonnie stayed silent for awhile..

A lot of different thoughts were running through Bonnie's head at the moment, causing her to speak up, "Last week… last week we never got to really…. Anyways, thank you for not giving up on me even when you had every reason to kick me aside. You didn't… and well… I'm grateful for that… for you. So, thank you."

Stefan grabbed her hand in his, "It's not a problem, Bonnie I would do it again if I had too."

She squeezed his hand, as a small tear slid down her face, "Thank you."

Even though she and Stefan became somewhat friends because of Elena, the fact that he took his time to help her through her most difficult time even when she was acting like a first class bitch, made him more of friend then she could ever imagine.

"Now, let's get you home," He said, leaning his head beck, "You're grandmother is waiting."

Bonnie took a deep breath and smiled.

She could do this. She could go back to Mystic Falls. It was time for her to go back. Figure out her life plans. Be there for her friends.

It was time.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading this chapter! I hope you enjoyed and please please please review! =)**

**The scene where Bonnie was talking to her friends was from Private Practice that I have mentioned before with Amelia.**

**I had planned on getting this chapter out before the season 5 premiere, but time got away with me yet again.**

**Just to let everyone know, just because Bonnie is out of rehab doesn't mean there won't be anymore flashbacks or that she won't see Damon again, because Katherine and Elijah's wedding is coming up. Also, just in case it's not as clear in the story, Bonnie doesn't know that Damon and Stefan are related. Damon never mentioned his last name to Bonnie and he wanted to keep it that way. =) **

**Again I hope you all enjoyed & review and don't forget to add me on tumblr: **

**xoxo**


End file.
